***First off, I didn't write this, but found it on the Ravens message board on ESPN's pages. It's meant to be taken tongue in cheek IMO and I think any Steeler fan with a sense of humor would find this funny. If you want my take on this just read my profile. Enjoy !!!***
KNOW YOUR STEELER FAN:
"They could be our barber or our mailman. They might be lurking behind the dark sunglasses of a policeman that pulls you over for speeding. We live in a world that has been infested with the disease of Steeler Fan. This malady turns normal human beings into mind-less towel waving zombie cockroaches that live and fester in the wainscoting of our collative souls. As of now, there seems to be no cure. (I tried throwing holy water on one of them once. It fell to the ground and screamed in pain yelling, "It burns...It burns!!!" for about 45 seconds...but then it righted itself and continued walking.) Are ALL Steeler fans evil? Not necessarily...and some are actually worthy of our pity. To assist Ravens fans in cataloguing these creatures, I have developed a rating system that will help separate the benign, the misguided, and the true pond scum, of this truly pathetic species. This scale has been very therapeutic for me because it made me realize that the ACUTE threat is not as bad as it may seem. It also serves as a reality check to keep me from being a hypocrite. The scale contains 5 categories or "Levels" which I will explain in detail below. Level 1 is the least offensive and Level 5 is the embodiment of true evil. While the explanation of each level is specifically designed for a Raven fan, I fully acknowledge that other cities are also overrun with vermin. If you live in Seattle, for example, I think this scale system can easily be adapted to serve you as well. Also, this analysis focuses on the male of the species, but with a few modifications can be applied to a female Steeler fan as well.
Level 1: Raised in Pittsburgh and Lives in Pittsburgh
The least evil of the Steeler fan species is the one that is from Western PA and still lives in Western PA. We experience this member of the species only if it comes to games in Baltimore to root for the team of its father. I HAVE NO PROBLEM with a Level 1 Steeler fan. There are exceptions to the rule, of course, but other than the insistence on waving that stupid yellow towel, it is usually the LEAST obnoxious while in the stands and is generally respectful of where it is. Plus, I would be hypocrite if I DID have a problem with it, as I have been to three Raven/Steeler games in Pittsburgh and I wore MY colors to all of those events.
Level 2: Raised in Pittsburgh and Lives in Baltimore
The Steeler Fan that is from Western PA but now lives in the Baltimore area is similar to the Level 1 Steeler fan except for the unfortunate circumstance of their current place of residence. And like a Level 1 fan, I cannot have a statutory issue with their existence or rooting position because if I ever moved to Monrovia, I would NOT buy a Ben Roethlisberger jersey and become a yellow Whirling Dervish. Instead of anger, take pity on the Level 2 Steeler fan that they lived in such an impoverished section of the country that they had to move to B'More just to get a job.
Level 3: Raised in a Non-NFL City and Lives in Baltimore
When we engage the Steeler fan that is at Level 3 we start to move from the benign to the semi-evil. Levels 1 and 2, if we are to be fair and completely honest, became Steeler fans for the right reasons. You are supposed to root for the team that represents you and your community. You are supposed to root for the team that your father rooted for. But what if you are from a part the Country that did not have NFL football? If you grew up in Nebraska, for example, who do you root for? Have pity on the Level 3 Steeler fan, for it is truly a lost soul. Like the ancient mariner it had football, football everywhere, nor any team to drink with the albatross around their neck being their man crush on Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw. Have pity on them, for they will NEVER experience the rapturous ecstasy and purity of joy that a REAL fan can feel like we did on January 28, 2001.
Level 4: Raised in an NFL City and Lives in Baltimore
While we can understand, sympathize, or even excuse Levels 1, 2, and 3, the final two levels are truly deserving of our ire. If someone is from another part of the country that DOES have NFL football but is still a Steeler fan, then they are football fan scum. What the Level 4 Steeler fan does not get is that there is a reason that the Philadelphia Eagles have the word PHILADELPHIA in their name. What the Level 4 Steeler fan does not get is that to be from Denver and to root for the Steelers just because of a man crush on Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw is not that much worse that rooting for the Yugoslavian basketball team against the US team because of a man crush on Vlade Divac. When you find a Steeler fan pumping his jersey, talking smack, or otherwise being obnoxious, I am willing to bet that more often than not, they are at least at Level 4. Again, sorry that you had to come to Baltimore to get a job...but shut up!
Level 5: Raised in Baltimore and Lives in Baltimore
Welcome to the dungeon! The Steeler fan that was born and raised in the Baltimore area and became a Steeler fan because it had a man crush on Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw is true pond scum. They have all evils of Level 4 scum, but at least we can psychologically distance ourselves from Level 4 trash. The Level 5 zombie grew up in YOUR neighborhood, went to YOUR school, and whose girlfriend YOU stole! Plus, they have an added layer of obnoxity in that, because of their lack of self-esteem, they go out of their way to taunt Ravens fans. In every sense as it relates to football, the Level 5 Steeler fan has no soul. I hope that this rating system will make it easier to live with, or at least relate to, the Steeler fans in your life. The next time you see a jersey with a #86 on the back that does not have the letters, "H-E-A-P" above the number, ask them where they are from before unloading your verbal barrage. If they say, "I came 'dahn from Pittsburgh just for the 'Stillir game..." respond with "Welcome to Baltimore! I hope you enjoy your stay in our fair city. Make sure you spend plenty of money and contribute to our economy." If however, they say that they were born and raised in Catonsville and they "became" a Steeler fan because we did not have a team for 12 years and they had to root to "somebody, right?", simply say, "I REMEMBER YOU! I stole your girlfriend!"
***I hope you guys enjoyed this and laughed as much as I did reading it. Later, "Ed Reed Fan"***