Get out of the way Tori & Dean, and make way for America's Wackiest Couple:
THE A-ROD & MADONNA SHOW!
This week featuring special guest star JOBA CHAMBERLAIN!
Madonna - A-Rod, honey, is that a baseball bat in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
A-Rod - It's a baseball bat. I want to do some batting practice. But I can't find my balls. Have you seen them?
Madonna - I'll say! I was up half the night polishing your balls. Don't forget, Rabbi Schwartzberg is coming over today to convert you to Judaism.
A-Rod - Why do I have to become Jewish?
Madonna - Because I only eat kosher meat.
A-Rod - Someone's at the door now.
Madonna - Why, it's our next-door neighbor, Joba Chamberlain.
Joba - Sorry to bother you, but I just happened to be passing by and I smelled food.
A-Rod - No problem. Madonna, will you fix Joba something to eat?
Madonna - What would you like, Joba?
Joba - I'm not really too hungry. Could I just have six Big Macs and a dozen donuts?
A-Rod - Madonna, have you seen my equipment bag? I have to return Jason Giambi his gold panties.
Madonna - Why don't you get your own gold panties? Why do you have to borrow Jason's?
A-Rod - It's a guy thing. You wouldn't understand.
Madonna - That's what you think! Anyway, I threw out that stinky old equipment bag.
A-Rod - You what?!?!?!!!!
Madonna - Don't worry. I'll buy you a new one.
A-Rod - Madonna, you don't understand. That equipment bag was filled with money. There was two hundred and seventy-five million dollars in that bag. George Steinbrenner had to take out a second mortgage on the new stadium to get me that money!
Madonna - Why didn't you put the money in a bank?
A-Rod - I was going to, but when I lifted it, I injured my shoulder because the money was so heavy, and I had to go on the Disabled List.
Madonna - Wait, I know! Maybe they haven't picked up the garbage yet.
Joba [talking with food in his mouth] - You're out of luck. They already picked up the garbage. I saw them throwing A-Rod's equipment bag in the back of the truck.
A-Rod - Oh, no! I'm broke!
Joba - Maybe if we rush over to the garbage dump you can find your bag before it gets covered up too deep in garbage.
A-Rod - Good idea!
[they all rush out]
[A-Rod, Madonna and Joba Chamberlain are at the Great Kills Garbage Dump in Staten Island, where they are standing up to their butts in garbage]
Madonna - Whew, this stinks worse than my last movie!
Tony the Garbage Man - Wow, this my lucky day! I'm the luckiest garbage man in New York City! A-Rod, Madonna and Joba Chamberlain all at my garbage dump! What are you looking for?
A-Rod - A gym bag full of money.
Tony - You mean like this one?
A-Rod - Hey, that's my bag! Hey, IT'S EMPTY! All that's left is a bunch of rat $#!T!
Tony - The rats must have eaten the money and left you their $#!T for the change.
A-Rod - Well, we might as well take it along with us.
Madonna - What are you gonna do with a bag full of rat$#!T?
A-Rod - Maybe I can take it to Las Vegas and sell it as sports memorabilia.
Will A-Rod sell the rat$#!T in Las Vegas? Will his wife, Cynthia, return from Lenny Kravitz' house in Paris and accuse A-Rod of holding her hostage and forcing her to wear the "F*¢& You" t-shirt at Yankee Stadium? Will Madonna go to the aide of her ex, Keith Hernandez, and smash José Reyes over the head with a dumbbell? Tune in next week.
THE FINAL ARMAGEDDON BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL FOUGHT AT FLUSHING MEADOWS! WHO WILL PREVAIL, THE YANKS OR THE METS? READ "THE YANKEES ARMY"
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