I can't believe how exciting it is to be able to say that Georgia's first game will be played NEXT MONTH. August 30, and it will be here before you can say "I hate Spurrier." This game tends to get overhyped, probably because some people still fantasize that it is some sort of intrastate rivalry. It is not. It is a beatdown for Georgia Southern, as it should be. But don't let that deter you from going out and supporting the Bulldawgs. A word of warning: this is one of what I like to call the "summer games", because they are uh, actually played in the summer. The on field temperature should be in the 350-400 degree range. Sanford Stadium is actually the world's largest solar oven. The afternoon/evening sun beats directly on the visitor section and its super reflective aluminum bench seating, sending temperatures soaring up into the 150 degree range. So wear your Mark Richt bulldawg hats and plenty of sunscreen. For all the women ages 18-40, under 120lbs, the standard attire this year will be a red bikini top and black shorty short shorts. And feel free to tie a red and black ribbon in your hair, and paint a bulldawg on your pretty face. For the men, it is ok to do the red/black body paint, symettrically down the middle. For the very hairy dudes like me, it is good to shave a giant "G" on your chest or belly. I am also planning a "UGA" on the back.
Be sure to bring salt tablets and plenty of fluids. You can buy the $8 commemorative UGA VI (RIP) cokes inside, too. I am given to understand the student activities people will be providing 10 of the airplane liquour bottles for this game instead of the customary 5 for each student. As always, students, please be tidy and toss the bottles underneath your seats, and not in the aisles. And no vomiting in the seats-please stumble to the restrooms. This gives me additional time to ogle your girlfriends without getting the frat boy stinkeye. Hey, those chicks are legal, shut up.
Now-about the game. Coach Richt says we are going to run the ball. A lot. Because we can. Look for about 368 yards rushing. Defensively, we plan to sack the quarterback silly and stuff the run. This will also be a game where we will practice our interception runback for a TD, since we need improvement .Knowshon will be on everyone's mind, after rushing for 240 yards and scoring 6 TD's. Final score should be about 79-0, UGA. Any questions, feel free to ask.