FanNation - The Republic of Sport

           Unless you’ve been holed up in captivity by FARC in the desolate jungle of Columbia for the past 4 years, chances are you’ve heard Brett Favre is considering hanging up his Hall of Fame jersey forever… 

        My bad because apparently, Favre has already held a teary eyed press conference making his retirement official. I just saw the video … but he didn’t really make it official by not signing his retirement papers. 

       Pardon my confusion but 4 months later—before the tears even dried from Favre’s shirt, his self proclaimed lingering itch to continue playing at a high level has evolved into an all out rash. Given his expedient comeback, Favre's retirement speech has taken on the lore of the moon landing.  Did it ever even happen?

          Let’s face it, the Green Bay Packers and Brett Favre have become one of those annoying high school sweetheart couples who decided that after graduation, they would set off for college and go their separate ways. 

Unfortunately, most of Brett Favre’s “girlfriends” are always reminding him of how cute they were in their matching green and yellow jerseys every Sunday on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.  

        Meanwhile, the Packers management’s entourage is advising them to find someone younger, more attractive and more impressionable that Mike McCarthy can hold hands with for the next few years.  In the midst of this, Brett Favre is obsessively text messaging the general manager while he’s on vacation and telling teammates behind the scenes he misses them, until it’s all just a giant debacle, and no one is sure where they stand. In regards to the comparison, I can’t help but imagine what was in the Favre text message: Hey Ted! Take me back. :) Seriously though, along with Charle's Barkley, when did 40 year old men fall in love with messaging? 

        Brett Favre’s problem is his addiction to power yet Packers fans and the media are feeding his insatiable ego’s appetite.    Absolutely no 38-year-old player should toy with an entire franchise’s fortunes like a yo-yo.  At some point management has to cut the strings.  Meanwhile, Packers fans have allowed their hearts to swallow their brains instead of chewing on this predicament rationally.   

        If the Packers continue to mortgage their futures on a player at the most important position on the offense who isn’t sure he’s fully committed to the grind of training camp, a 16 game regular season, presumably the playoffs and slide into the Rodgers era with a rock in their pants, it will eventually leave a pockmark on the franchise. 

        The chasm between Favre loyalists and Rodger's enthusiasts has grown deeper than Clinton and Obamas upporters and sparked a civil war amongst the only non-profit, community-owned major league professional sports team.  The constant state of flux in the Packers power structure will create an even grearer rift in the locker room, front office, and fan base as well as undermine Aaron Rodgers locker room leadership. 

After Favre is long gone, football goes on. McCarthy and Ted Thompson will still have their job security to worry about and they’ll have to give Rodgers an opportunity to start for an extended period of time and evaluate his on field production before his contract expires in 2010.  If Rodgers is a monumental bust, he will taper off the pressure to perform on Brian Brohm [in comparison to Rodgers] and quicken Green Bay’s ascension in the next decade. 

        Consider the radical, revelation that Aaron Rodgers does develop into an elite quarterback in 2009, after Favre’s second retirement.  Do you think he wouldn’t remember how his own hometown fans left him out to dry like a dirty towel and spurn them for the highest bidder?

        Brett Favre’s biggest blunder was thinking he would be content scratching chores off his list at his list around the ranch while this physical prime faded away.  Favre should have taken counsel from the mythical international supermodel —Derek Zoolander.             

        In Zoolander, the supremacy of Derek Zoolander as the world's top male model was challenged by the up-and-coming Hansel.  Eventually, Zoolander announced his retirement from the male modeling profession and returned to the coalmines where his father and brothers work, but soon found himself desperately out of place as a male model in a coal-mining town.

        In contrast, despite his firm grip over a bevy of NFL career passing records, speculation is rampant among Favre loyalists that roster architect Ted Thompson coaxed him into retirement to clear the path for Rodgers’ rise.  Zoolander was anointed as the top male model in the world in part because of his 'Magnum' and 'Blue Steel' looks.  Brett Favre's 'Blue Steel' was his youthful, exuberant on-field persona displayed by his tendency for throwing grown men over his shoulders in excitement and his 'Magnum' was his rocket arm and gunlinger mentality .  Both underestimated how much they treasured their respective livelihoods. 

A first ballot Hall of Famer quarterback in Mississippi was likely going to get bored just as quickly.  Here is the post football route Brett should have taken down the I-95 of life.

        After an articulate but emotional press conference, every network from FOX, CBS, NBC and especially ESPN was interested in him for their pre-game show.  But Favre has carved out such a niche in Wisconsin; he should have accepted a position in the booth as a play-by-play or color commentator for Packers games alongside Paul Hornung.  Imagine the intricate details he could have provided into Aaron Rodgers development, Mike McCarthy’s enigmatic personality, his relationship with teammates or the offensive scheme as a whole.

        Over the course of the years, Favre could drive Thompson and McCarthy out of Green Bay by claiming he could still play better than Aaron Rodgers, while simultaneously but sarcastically expressing interest to play.  With their vacancies open, Favre could potentially enter the front office and (…acquire Randy Moss) eventually make a pitch to buy the franchise from the community that worships his every breathe of air, build a dome and rename Lambeau, Favre Field.  4 months later, police will get a mysterious tip to search Rodgers car and uncover hordes of vicodin and and other painkillers.

        Favre stands at an impasse.  The Packers have implemented their post-Favre plans and seem hesitant to step back.  However, just because the Packer community has unwavering loyalty for Favre doesn’t mean Favre has to feel the same.  Aaron Rodgers isn't the only projected starting quarterback, who should be watching their back for #4.  If he would sacrifice a change of scenery for one, or two last hurrahs, there are a plethora of plausible destinations.   

        Favre would be an upgrade under center for the other 3 teams in his division but donning a Vikings or Bears uniform would be an act of betrayal akin to PETA getting embroiled in an illegal cockfighting scandal.   As a Kansas City Chief, Favre could close out his career in the same fashion as Mr. Cool, Joe Montana.  The Vikings are constructed for a serious run in the future and are a dark horse in 2008 but Brett Favre would compliment their extensive youth movement.  Interestingly enough, the Bears offer the best opportunity to win now.  They are one season removed from a Super Bowl loss, and though they lack potent offensive weapons the Bears don’t require an offensive juggernaut, just productivity that Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton cannot provide.

        Conversely, the most controversial choice would be to offer his services to San Francisco and a shot at redemption for the one that got away.  After a devastating loss in the Wild Card Playoffs, Favre starred in There’s Something About Mary when he was eventually dumped by Mary for Ben Stiller because of her devotion to the 49ers.  A return to San Fran would finally give Brett a chance to close that chapter in his life and finally get the girl. 

        The 49ers have a young, athletic nucleus reminiscent of last season’s Green Bay Packers without the mediocre quarterback competition between Shaun Hill and Alex Smith, who is still only 24.   Favre would also flourish in another shotgun pass heavy offensive scheme of offensive coordinator Mike Martz; with wide out Isaac Bruce and tight end Vernon Davis.  Plus the storyline of Favre donning the same red and gold jersey as Young and Montana would be sensational. 

        The Ravens offer an interesting group of circumstances with the nucleus of a team that went 13-3 one year ago, a stout defense and an established locker room order led by Ray Lewis, one of the greatest defensive players of his generation.  The offense has lacked a towering presence under center and though the balance between Lewis’ fiery attitude and Favre’s childlike demeanor leadership styles may clash, they both have something to gain.  A second Super Bowl ring would pad their gaudy Hall of Fame legacies.

        The Patriots are the league’s preeminent franchise, but the Ravens blitzkrieg defense unearthed the blueprint that stained the back of Tom Brady’s jersey and doomed New England’s perfect season.  Unfortunately, Kyle Boller’s water pistol was in equipped for a duel. As a gunslinger, Brett Favre would always come to the show with his guns drawn.  However, a major deterrent may be Baltimore’s inadequate receiving corps as well as Favre’s requirement to baby sit another pesky kid in Joe Flacco, who will want to pick his brain like some sort of baby faced 5 year old.

        To bring his career full circle and tempt the Madden cover gods, 16 games behind the Falcons porous offensive line would extinguish the fire in Brett Favre’s belly to play professional football… and replace it with intense abdominal pain. 

        However, I end on this semi-serious note.  Football is a lot like jury duty; sure the foreman gets all the exposure and gets to read the verdict but it takes 11 strangers to come together and merge with a respectable verdict.   Unfortunately, Brett Favre is leaking to the media all the evidence they need to find the Packers front office guilty by reason of insanity for not putting Rodgers on the backburner  and inviting Favre back publicly. 

        In his hastiness Favre has set Green Bay’s fan base at odds with unnecessary drama and burdening Rodgers with another superfluous burden.   Favre will forever be a Packer in Canton, but his days as a Packer on the gridiron ended the day he stepped to the podium and turned in his gunslinger’s badge—even if he does decide to unretire.

 -- 7/9/08