Cubs to Erect Statue of Banks, Dempster to Laugh... | Bricks and Ivy Radio's Blog

Cubs to Erect Statue of Ernie Banks, Ryan Dempster to Laugh at Word "Erect"

(Chicago, IL) - The Chicago Cubs announced last month that they will be erecting a statue of Ernie Banks by Opening Day 2008 to pay tribute to the man who has come to be known as "Mr. Cub." While the Cubs erect the statue, Cubs closer Ryan Dempster will celebrate in his own way: by laughing at the word "erect."

"Yup. (snicker) The Cubs... (laugh) are going to... (guffaw) ... ERECT a statue!" chortled Dempster when he heard the news. "They aren't going to 'put it up.' They aren't going to 'build' it. They're going to 'erect' it. Oh man, I love this team. They haven't given me this much material since they told me I'd be taking over the closer 'duties,'" Dempster continued with a belly-laugh.

Asked for comment, Banks said he is grateful for the erection, as it will be the first he's gotten in some 40 years.

Dempster's unique sense of humor is well known around the clubhouse. "Oh yeah, he's always laughing at stuff like that," Manager Lou Piniella said. "I swear to God he walks guys just so he can hear the umpire say 'four balls.' One time he came into the dugout after handing out a few walks in an inning and said, 'Hey, did you hear how many guys on their team have four balls?' We all laughed, but it's still not appropriate. Ok, well [unitesticular catcher] Michael Barrett didn't laugh."

Fellow relief pitcher Bob Howry agreed with Piniella. "This statue thing is just the tip of the iceberg (Dempster is heard laughing in the background shrieking "the tip!"). Can you imagine golfing with that guy? We go every couple of weeks, and it's continuously stroke this, shaft that. It's a nightmare."

To read other fine articles like this, visit us at www.cubsbrickyard.com.

(In case it isn't painfully obvious, this is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. Ryan would never laugh at something so juvenile, and we're certain that Ernie has gotten at least a halfie at some point in the last four decades. No one should construe this fake article as being fact, including that last sentence. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don't sue. We don't have money anyway. Complaints taken at ace@bricksandivyradio.com)

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June 18, 2007 04:12 PM ET

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Funny. Sounds like something on the onion.

IrishR#1

Total Comments (8517)

June 19, 2007 02:31 PM ET

I liked it. After watching how he pitches these past couple of years, it wouldn't surprise me if he walked that many for that reason. I would feel better if he came out and said "I like hearing for balls". He would at least have a good excuse than.