Yesterday, Mets CEO Fred Wilpon admitted that he regretted the manner in which he dismissed former manager Willie Randolph last month, saying, “I screwed up.”
Sage words from the Grand Puba.
Though he did not regret firing Willie; or that he made the man fly 5,000 miles across the country to lose his job; OR the fact that every media outlet this side of Botswana knew about this before the man actually getting fired, he did confess that he should have waited till “the following morning” to properly and professionally shatter Willie’s hopes and dreams.
Wilpon continued his emotional cleansing, by admitting he was at fault for the following:
- Tuesday night’s bullpen collapse
- Repeatedly mispronouncing “Argenis”
- Letting Marlon Anderson think he’s an outfielder
- Having a devout Yankee fan play the final concerts at Shea
- Luis Aguayo’s eyesight
- Getting drunk and asking Reyes when his brother “Hose-B” is arriving
- Bud Light Lime
- The unfortunate timing of Estelle Getty bobblehead night
- Thinking that a smoke-free Shea is a better-smelling Shea
- Spraying kids with a bleach-filled supersoaker
- Making a cameo in the Mini-Me sex tape
- Keeping Rick Peterson’s box of candles, beads, incense and jheri curl relaxer under his desk
- Recently inquiring about the availability of Roger Cedeno
- The bright yellow Nikon ad currently in right field
- The injured, jaundiced money pit currently not in left field
- Naming his puppy “Chipper”
- Trying to get Omar to say “Willie, you ARE the weakest link!” when firing him, only to realize it’s no longer 2002
In a related story: The Mets redeemed themselves with a win. Billy Wagner went 1-2-3 for the save. And Philly’s announcers bitched and whined like diaper-rashed infants about Reyes celebrating his home run.
In other words, nothing out of the ordinary.