03:24 PM ET 07.29 |
There seems to be a lot of confusion over control of the natural world. Well let me clear things up for you.
BRETT FAVRE'S EGO
is responsible for the tides, the earth's revolution, the moon's revolution around the earth, darkness, the sun, and the atmosphere.
MANNY RAMIREZ'S EGO
is responsbile for tectonic and seismic acitivity like earthquakes, volcanoes, fat guys falling down, and geysers.
CHAD JOHNSON'S EGO
is responsible for the actions of plant and animal life, agriculture, the conversion of carbon dioxide to oxygen, the conversion of oxygen to carbon dioxide, and gold teeth.
And BARRY BONDS' EGO
is responsible for water, major weather patterns, storms, the need for oversized hats, heat, cold, and personality disorders.
There. Now that everybody gets it, can we go back to sleep? Good.