Posted by:
Escobar Caesar
I'm bored, so I decided to brush off my blogging skills for this once in a blue moon treat for you all. I'm so generous. And humble. Anyways, I'm going to do two things up front. First, inform you all the Browns and Ohio State talk will be at a minimum. Second, apologize up front to Bigalke, for my formatting issues. Sorry, it's Safari, the red-headed step child of Internet service providers. The black dude in the horror movie. Dennis Kucinich's presidential campaign. Rihanna's voice. Duke's football team. Th- wait, what was I even talking about? I don't know. Alright, let me start talking about sports and other whatnot.

First off, the Olympics. When I was 10, my older brother Brandon told me, my friend T.T., and my cousin Khalid to pick 3 celebrities each who would be our crushes for that year. My brother is crazy, but 10 years older than me, so I couldn't do much. If I remember correctly, I chose Eva Mendes, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jennifer Aniston. The next year for the Olympics, he made us pick a female Olympian, in addition to our 3. I picked Marion Jones. I can't for the life of me remember who T.T. and Khalid picked, and it's actually not important. This year, I chose Salma Hayek, Esther Baxter and Alicia Keys. Anyways, maybe 3 days ago, T.T., Khalid and I were at my brother's house in the basement playing Halo. My brother came down and asked us who was going to be our crush for this Olympiad. I quickly responded Candace Parker; Khalid called Allyson Felix; and T.T. was stuck. He wanted either Parker or Felix, and he had to think. Actually, he probably didn't know anybody else. Brandon told him he had 5 seconds before he got Usain Bolt. T.T. got Usain Bolt. But T.T. is Jamaican (not Bahamian as I thought) so he seemed kind of OK with that. Disturbing. Brandon locked him in the bathroom in a later, unrelated offense. What, you thought I was going to give you "insight", "information", "previews" and ****? How silly of you. Go to Bigalke for that nonsense. I'M here to fantasize about Candace Parker and drop random hip-hop quotes. Which is much more beneficial for you in the long run.

Actually, I've always had a hard time getting into the Olympics, other than soccer and basketball Quite frankly, I couldn't give a 50 Cent album about the other stuff. Although this year, one thing has grabbed my interest. The fact that a black cat could win gold in a swimming competition, and a white dude in track. Yes, I am that shallow that it takes a racial underlying to pique my curiosity. But really, Cullen Jones from The Bronx is in position to defend the 50-meter freestyle record he set in the trials at Omaha. For some reason, that's really interesting to me. But SI, in their never-ending quest to supplant ESPN as the most bitchass sports news source, picked this "Eamon Sullivan" character from Australia to win the gold, and doesn't even have Jones as a medalist. I'll be sure to tune in for this particular event.

As for Jeremy Wariner, he's the favorite to win the 400 M, over LaShawn Merrit. Actually, I don't feel like talking about this one so I won't. Ha ha. Now you're left wondering how would I have ever offended you in this portion of this post that is sure to offend quite a few people. Well you can't find out. So suck it and keep reading, you little ****.

I guess I'll talk about the NBA players going to Europe now. Everybody knows about this by now, Josh Childress and other extra people are going to play across the pond next year instead of the Association. I believe I know why. Number one, Greek food is **** delicious. There are a lot of Greeks in the Youngstown area, which is how I know. Number 2, in the words of the Wu-Tang Clan, "Cash rules everything around me, C.R.E.A.M., get the money, dolla dolla bill y'all". That's the best answer I could think of. The euro took the dollar, spanked it, and told it to call him daddy. And Washington, Franklin, Hamilton, Lincoln, Jackson and the rest did like a bunch of hoes. (I realize that this is not what actually happened. There is no need to tell me otherwise. If you feel the urge to be such a smarmy prick that you must tell me about the state of the world economy, please, kick rocks.) But yeah, money is the reason. Nothing more, nothing less. MOVING ON...

I suppose I should talk about college football, with it right around the corner. I did tell you that I won't talk about Ohio State, but I also said this blog would be good. I guess I'm a chronic liar. Oh well. My top 5 is along the lines of (in order) Georgia, Ohio State, USC, Oklahoma, and Clemson. I'm feeling West Virgina, Texas Tech and Mizzou this year as well. Maybe I'm overrating Tommy Bowden's coaching skills, but I feel that THIS will finally be the Tigers' year. James Davis, CJ Spiller and Cullen Harper will eventually shine. And this is the year. Texas Tech, some retard at ESPN's favorite to win it all, is my sleeper in the Big 12, and BCS as a whole. The Sooners are my favorite at this point to win the conference, but I will not be surprised at all if the Raiders... wait for it... RAID THEM!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA, yeah I'm not funny, I know that. But seriously, I think Graham Harrell will be a serviceable NFL pro. I know a lot of people aren't feeling him because of his system offense, but that's what we've got in college football now. The spread O. Pat White or Graham Harrell. Pick your poison. But really, now that Michigan's converted, who is left that runs a pro-style offense? USC and O-State? Anybody else? I don't think so. And next year, the Bucks will probably convert with Terrelle Pryor taking the reigns. So where does that leave the NFL? Next year, the QB class appears too weak. Matt Stafford and Tim Tebow, if they come out early, look to be the only ones worthy of a 1st rounder. Chase Daniel and Todd Ressing? Too short. (We're all supposed to forget Fran Tarkenton and Doug Flutie had excellent careers as pros). Graham Harrell? Throws the ball 40 times a game. (Which is terrible for a quarterback, evidently. Ever heard of the Patriots and Packers?) Ah well.

Hey, I got through this leaving out OSU and the Brownies out of this for the most part. Which explains why it sucked. Whatever. In the (paraphrased) words of Aaron McGruder, "I'M ESCOBAR, B&@#%! I'M RETIRED!


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