“Wait, they don’t have a big wall?” — Manny Ramirez
“Yeah, we’re in the running for Jason Bay.” — Omar Minaya, pretending to talk on the phone.
“Let’s see the bloggers try and make sense of this tomorrow.” - Ken Williams, on the Griffey trade
“I look forward to any and all future clubhouse fistfights.” — Jeff Kent
“I like butterscotch.” — George Steinbrenner
“Okay, we were just kidding. We offer Washburn and Ibanez for two tickets to the Jonas Brothers.” — Lee Pelekoudas
“We handed out name tags, and will be holding an ice cream social this weekend.” — Derek Jeter, on his new teammates
“I expected to be a Met today, but apparently their prospects don’t equal my sheer buttload of awesome.” — Luis Ayala
“It’ll be nice to be in a place where there are lots of people my own age.” — New, but ancient Marlins reliever, Arthur Rhodes
“What the f–k?” — Jorge Posada
“If we’re supposed to be the Pirates, how come every other team rapes, pillages and robs US freakin’ blind?” — every remaining Pittsburgh fan in the world.
“Yeah, maybe we lost one of the best hitters ever to play the game. Sure, we gave up some attitude, eccentricity and personality. And we definitely are going to miss that special “something” that people felt whenever he came to the plate. But when all is said and done, our team in now much more Canadian.” - Theo Epstein
“Okay, now I’m starting to take this personally.” — Barry Bonds