Posted by:
Red Zone

All right sports fans, get those chin straps buckled up.  Get those shoulder pads adjusted just right.  Get that mouthpiece in and the eyeblack on.  Get your mind right - Llleeeetttt's Get Ready to RUMBLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!  Is it time for football season?  Well, yes it is sweetness, but I'm talking about getting ready for another tax free weekend in South Carolina.  Just what is a tax free weekend you ask?  Well it's where you don't have to pay sales tax on all the clothing and back to school supplies that are bought (everything from bookpacks to underwear) and it always falls on the first weekend in August.  Kind of ironic that this is also the first day that high schools and colleges in the state can begin football practice.  Coincidence? 

What this really means is that any store that ends in a "Mart" (such as Wal and K) are war zones.  I just returned from Wal-Mart where these are just a few of the things I ran across: 

A old woman in one of those sit down motorized shopping carts comes barrelling down the baby clothing section and almost took me out.  She came around the corner so fast, she was on two wheels.  I think she had a Kyle Busch shirt on.  It was hard to tell as I went spinning into the shoe department.  

A middle aged woman was having a conversation with her mom that works there.  The grandma was asking about what her son needed for school and said there were plenty of 64 count Crayola Crayons.  Mom told her that Junior didn't need any...he's a senior in high school.

Another mom was over in the kids department with her three younguns (that's what we call kids in South Carolina).  Apparantly the three future juvenile deliquents weren't listening to what she had to say so she kept on them.  "Get me the purple one in size 2....Would you just do what I said, I want the purple one in size 2....Jimmy sit down....Get back here Alicia.....If YOU don't do what I tell you, I gonna put a hurtin' on your butt."  You get'em Momma. 

A sales associate with spiked hair makes his way through the notebook section full of people both with and without buggies (for those of you scoring at home, that's what we in South Carolina call shopping carts).  He's trying to escort a couple pushing a buggy with no kids through the aisle.  Excuse me there buttercup, but I got in there amidst the chaos and they can get out on their own without the Wal-Mart police escort. 

People stopped in the middle of aisle's talking with Great Aunt Edna's cousin's neighbor who moved seven years ago.  As the road is blocked and throngs of people are trying to maneuver around them, they keep on with the impromptu reunion.  Where is Nascar's competion caution when you need it? 

I quickly gathered the few items I had and made a run for the register.  I had to make a pass through the electronic section narrowly missing another sales associate helping a customer load up a 32 inch TV.  I made a nice juke and jive move on lady that had a 12 pack of Busch Lite.  Cutting through the women's section (it was the closest path to paydirt), I put an unbelievable spin move on a 7 year old girl and her parents, reaching a register with only one person in line with only eight items. TOUCHDOWN!!!!    

So sports fans, if you're in South Carolina on this first weekend in August, be forewarned.  Prepare for the adventure.  Anybody got a Gatorade?


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