FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Well Manny Ramirez, you finally got what you wanted.  Manny gets to be Manny in Los Angeles, the city of angels, where stars go to be born.  Say hello to your new neighbors- that's Kate Bosworth over there, and Jeremy Piven lives down the street.  What's that?  You've never heard of them?  It's ok, they've never heard of you either.  Besides you couldn't pick half of your Boston teammates out of a police lineup anyway, so what's it matter. 

If your children need a play date, I hear Jamie-Lynn Spears just had a baby.  Perfect, a seventeen year old, un-wed mother related to Britney Spears- you've finally found someone mentally on your same wave-length.

Better yet, you can get together and hang out with former Red Sox teammate and current Dodger, Nomar Garciaparra.  Remember him, the shortstop who was at one point a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame?  Well since he whined his way out of Boston, just like you just did this week, he's been less relevant in baseball circles than the Philly Phanatic.  In the three full years since he's left Boston, Nomar has averaged 12 homeruns and missed an about 60 games per year- not exactly a one way ticket to Cooperstown if you know what I mean.  Its ok, I know you don't.

And look on the bright side, since he's spent so much time on the disabled list the last few years, you'll be able to pick his brain for all types of new injuries you can fake when you don't feel like playing.  Also, if things go sour in your love life, maybe his wife Mia Hamm has a flat-chested soccer friend she can introduce you to. 

Luckily, you'll be loved by all your new teammates.  Of course since they're all either rookies, or washed up veterans, don't expect them to get on base much for you.  I know you had David Ortiz, one of the greatest clutch hitters of all time and J.D. Drew an MVP candidate protecting you in the order in Boston, but no worries, I'm sure Casey Blake and Matt Kemp will provide the same protection.  No, Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis aren't around to get on base ahead of you.  But what do statistics matter when you're going to be a free agent anyway?

Finally, you get to play for one of the great coaching staffs in all of baseball- led by Joe Torre, a guy you may remember from New York.  Even though he got run out of New York for ultimately not winning enough games (don't tell me they really wanted him back with that one-year contract offer), he always exuded class, and expects his players to do the same.  So as fun as it was to go into the Green Monster and make phone calls between innings and not hussle down the first base line in Boston, don't expect the same laid back treatment from your manager here. 

So I hope all this sounds well and good Manny, because for the next two months you're in a playoff race with your new teammates in Los Angeles.  With your bat (assuming you decide you want to play), the Dodgers should edge the Diamondbacks and win the National League West.  And while your old teammates in Boston may be playing in yet another World Series, don't expect the Dodgers to make it past the Division Series.  It's ok though, with your free time in October maybe you can work on your tan or take up a new hobby like yoga. 

 

And if the Red Sox do get another ring, who cares anyway.  It never was about winning was it?