Trust me, I'm not someone who celebrates his birthday. Not anymore, anyway. Whatever contributions I may lay on the world, they couldn't touch the significance of those born or departed on August 16.
Usually, one's 20-Something birhdays involve, ironically, death-defying imbibement of spirituous beverages. I did the 21st birthday thing. It was a lot like my 22nd and 23rd birthdays. I'm too old for that stuff now. No, August 16, 2008 won't see Cooz with a group of well-wishers at a backyard barbeque, followed by a pre-party, shortly followed by another pre-party with a pre-bar mixed in between a quick drink with other friends before hitting up The Turf in Fargo, or Brothers in Minneapolis or The Dubliner in St. Paul.
I'm a pretty low-profile guy nowadays. I blindly reached for fortune and fame in the unlucrative and generally disliked world of sports writing, and did that for long enough to realize recognition in that profession is usually bad more than it is good. So if I want any claim-to-fame (outside of having a conversation with Shaq and his posse in an elevator at Mall of America, or letting Chris Rock use my pen at the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport), it's gonna have to be through the day the Almighty let me arrive, leeching off the passing of others.
Did you know that Elvis Presley and Babe Ruth both died on my birthday? Not the same year, mind you, but still, find a bigger, more iconic pair of Americans sharing a deathday. You're not going to be able to, I promise.
There are plane crashes, coup d'etas, U.S. Representatives hitting and killing motorcyclists...all kinds of noteworthy stuff.
What's even better is today, on my birthday, we will witness Michael Phelps become the undisputed Most Dominant Athlete ever to compete. After barely edging out Milorad Cavic in the 100m butterfly, Phelps tied fellow American Mark Spitz's record seven gold medals in one Games. Today, on my birthday, we're going to witness Phelps become the only athlete to ever win eight gold medals in one Olympics when the U.S. will hit the wall first in the 400 medley relay.
If you want to get technical, Phelps will be on the medal stand - along with Aaron Peirsol, Brendan Hansen and Jason Lezak - on Aug. 17, Beijing time (GMT +8).
I care not. My Page-a-Day calendar from 2009 and forever will have "Michael Phelps wins his record-setting eighth gold medal in Beijing in 2008" as it's event of note on Aug. 16, and I will petition to make sure this happens.
None of this Aug. 17 BS.
But what if he loses?
Phelps? Lose? He was in seventh place halfway through the first 50 meters in the 'fly. He stormed back, overcoming Cavic (and his subsequent protest over the results) and Spitz at the same time. His fellow swimmers call him "unbeatable." He was part of the U.S. 400 free relay team that upset the mighty French team just five days ago.
If it's not my destiny to be anyone famous or even of note, then it's that my birthday will be one of the impactful rotations of the sun our history knows. Phelps knows this. It's the birthdate of Madonna, Steve Carrell and the Olympics' version of Rocky, Rulon Gardner, and the deathdate of sociopathic dictator Idi Amin and blues legend Robert Johnson.
From one realm of the world to another, good or bad, all of these people are about as famous as it gets. Phelps' accomplishment, in regards to this date, will easily trump all of them. Phelps, a Ravens fan, of all things, will be the first person mentioned on a date that saw two super-humans - Ruth and Elvis - prove their mortality (Ruth was from Baltimore, like Phelps...I was born in Annapolis).
There was little chance of the passing of these two legends ever making top-of-the-fold news on this date from 2009 and beyond, let alone me.
Phelps, Peirsol, Hansen and Lezak will do it. It will be recognized on Aug. 16.
Now, what the h3ll am I gonna have to do to get some acclaim from the rest of the world?
Melanie Fitzpatrick
Cintia Dicker
College Football Top 25 Review
2009 Turkeys Of The Year
Comments (12) Add A Comment
Happy Iron Curtain B-Day, Cooz.And nice read. We've seen a lot of really epic things in sports this year.
The only thing really noteworthy that happened on my birthday was the 14th Amendment being ratified.
Coletrain
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Happy birthday Cooz!
The Iron Curtain awaits.
DJTG_2010
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Met Laurence Maroney at the MOA...amazing who just randomly happens to be there...
SS-Our Universe...
The Best City In, MN
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Happy Birthday, Cooz. I just hope you haven't jinxed Phelps with this blog. >_>
G.O.A.T. is back?
Scranton, PA
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Nori Niatruc
G.O.A.T. is back?
Scranton, PA
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A fine Nori Niatruc to you all as well...thank you for the well-wishes!
GOAT, it's much more interesting if I assume he wins rather than giving you a wishy-washy "what if" piece. I'm becoming obsessed with whether or not his assumed victory will be logged as having happened Aug. 16 or 17.
I mean, if he wins the gold, he gets to decide which time zone to mark the event, right? Since when do we do anything on Chinese time?!?
Steelercooz
St. Paul, MN
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You cant do anything to get recognition from this cruel, ever-changing world we live in, Cooz.
Sorry, man... your life is a but a bitter hair on the arse of the world.
But really, awesome blog. If a guy were to want to join CoozNation, what would he have to do? Write better blogs than the almighty Ombdusman himself... possibly kill a few Ravens fans?
Mac is the Demon of…
Fort Hood, TX
Total Comments (9404)
You pre-empted my "August 17th" argument; sneaky of you to do that, Cooz!!! LMFAO
Gee, and all I have to say was that I share a birthday w/ Bernard Shaw (formerly of CNN), Richard Benjamin...and Sir Laurence Olivier. THAT was 3 months ago, BTW...when I hit 50.
Yeah, I did stupid crap in MY twenties, too...join the club. LMMFAO
Who says I don't learn anything on here?? I never figured you for Annapolis, Cooz; maybe that explains why the ombudsman gig fits you like a glove. (Now ME, I was born in D.C., but that's neither here nor there...)
Anyway, enjoy your b'day.
DC Sports Nut: Nats,…
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Happy birthday cooz!
Go break a world record then we'll give you some acclaim :)
(Cincy)
Jamestown, OH
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Happy birthday... and that's one doozy of a pair of people to have die on your birthdate... hope all treats you well on this historic day...
Bigalke
Springfield, OR
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Happy b-day Cooz!
Lifer: Metallica…
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Thank you all again!
Ok, I've got my thesis statement:
If the Olympics were marketed for months as starting on 08.08.08, then Phelps's record was set on 8.16. The Opening Ceremonies were on Aug. 9, 2008, Beijing time, but Aug. 8, 2008, U.S. time. The Opening Ceremonies is traditionally when the Olympics officially begin. The marketers set the precedent.
YES! I win!
Annapolis isn't really anything in my life, D.C., no disrespect to the area. My old man's a salesman, and he got transferred around quite a bit. I have three older siblings, two born in Pittsburgh, one born in Richmond, Va. I haven't even been back to Maryland since we moved from there, and I was like 15 months old when that happened. I've seen pictures of where we were, seemed to be a nice area.
I lived in Pittsburgh again, then in Arlington, Tex., before we settled in the Minneapolis suburbs. I just say my family is from Pittsburgh, I grew up in Minnesota. I kept the Steelers, but traded the Pirates and Penguins in for the Twins and North Stars. Since the North Stars left not long after we got there, I took the Pens back.
Cincy, you're right, I need to break a world record...hmmm...I really don't have world-record speed or quickness. I only run when chased, and my shot-put was never very strong. What about that crazy sport where the dudes just bike around an oval made of wood? Longest sports-related skin graft?
It treated me well, Bigalke, thank you for the wishes.
Lifer, why didn't we have a bet going on the Bills/Steelers game?!? Can I quietly hop on the Bills' bandwagon? I love that team, I really do. For as much as I've ripped on Dick Jaron in the past, what a great job that guy did last year! Is Donte Whitner NOT the Best Player You've Never Heard of in the NFL?
Mac, I wouldn't restrict you...one of my favorite parts of Fan Nation is seeing how many younger guys here are 50 times the writer I was at that age, and watching them develop. You're one of them.
If FanNation were to market itself against the other Sports Social Networking sites, I'd say harvesting quality writing would be a great niche. If Big Brother is reading, and they'd like someone to take that job on, I'm available for work...(AHEM)
Steelercooz
St. Paul, MN
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