Fear and Loathing on FanNation
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Two of baseball's best young stars, Mark Teixeira and Adam Dunn, are slated to hit the free-agent market at the end of the season. However, while both of these players are at the top of their game, (the entire game, for that matter), it is widely accepted that Teixeira is a far better player than Dunn, and will thus earn a much fatter paycheck come the off-season. In a recent Sports Illustrated article, my idol, Jon Heyman, predicted that Mark Teixeira will sign an 8 year/168 Million$ deal. Within the same article, Heyman predicted that Adam Dunn would sign a 5 year/70 million dollar deal. Now, if you have eyes and a brain, like most baseball fans, you should know why this is a ludicrous statement, and understand why I have always hoped the devil saves a place in his dominatrix chamber for Jon Heyman. If this is you, please discontinue reading, as it would only be a waste of your extremely valuable time. Meanwhile, if you are in the minority, and lack all common sense of baseball knowledge, I encourage you to continue reading, as I hope to save you from the impending eternal flames which await you.

 

I'm going to keep my points in simple bullet formation, because I don't want anyone to get confused over the very limited amount of knowledge it takes to realize these players are equals.

While it is true that Teixeira's career average is 40 points higher than Dunn's, it is actually Dunn who gets on base more. Dunn has a career OBP of .381, whereas Teixeira has a career OBP of .375. Nearly identical, yes, but Dunn still has him beat.

Both Dunn and Teixeira have a 162 Game Average of 101 runs scored, which would mean they score runs at the exact same pace.

Teixeira's career SLG% is .537, Dunn's is .520. Wow, nearly no difference. AGAIN.

Teixeira has a career OPS+ of 132, Dunn has a career OPS+ of 130.

Dunn averages 40 home runs per year, Teixeira averages 36.

Dunn has led all Major league players in home runs and walks over the last 5 years.

Both Dunn and Teixeira are 28 years old, and have their best years ahead of them. Their career numbers are so extremely similar that I have no idea where one would get the brave idea that Teixeira is worth 100 million more dollars than Dunn. In a fair, diplomatic baseball world, where only stats that actually affected a team counted, Adam Dunn and Mark Teixeira would get nearly identical contracts. Alas, as long as we live in a world run by AVG and RBI, this will never happen.

 

 

 

 

 

*FOR THE HATERS

 

Strikeouts- Ok, Adam Dunn strikes out a lot. This is not a good thing, striking out is bad and almost never ends up with a player reaching base. That being said, it's not as if Mark Teixeira is a contact wizard either. Mark Teixeira is good for an average of 127 K's over a 162 game schedule, and I know he doesn't deserve 100 million more than Dunn for making contact 55 more times a season. After all, DUNN STILL GETS ON BASE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Attitude/Clutch hitting- Haters also like to focus on Adam Dunn's poor attitude and inability to come up big in the "clutch". If you're retarded enough to actually believe that a player's bad attitude can affect a whole team, or that clutch hitting actually exists, then you did not read this far and therefore I won't even waste my time answering this.

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