Finally... a day off work. The Roots come out of the Cambridge SoundWorks speakers buried on the cluttered desk, Illadelph Halflife spinning through my brain. "It Just Don't Stop"... and indeed it don't stop. With a narrow victory over an illustrious opponent to take over this group's crown, the challengers are all coming out of the woodwork. They're beating at my door, fighting to take down the champ to raise their own profile. I sit here under the staircase, typing frantically away, a puncher swinging on pure adrenaline. Were I to put a picture here, the April 1968 cover of Esquire would fit as well as any. I feel like the Waco Kid...
Then one day I hear "Reach for it, mister." I spun around, and there I was, standing face to face with a six-year-old kid. Well, I just laid down my guns and walked away... Little basta-d shot me in the as-! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
Except it's not whiskey in the glass right now but tequila... which has me wondering if I could be flagged for using performance-enhancing substances in this ongoing battle to churn out volumes of writing. What, honestly, should constitute a banned product? As a citizen journalist who has long covered cycling and other international sports, I have tapped out too many articles about this or that doping offense. Yet all the while I sit here, fueled by alcohol and caffeine and nicotine and other various chemical compounds, writing about whether or not an athlete is engaging in improprieties. Is this pure hypocrisy?
It is easy enough to say that the use of steroids, human growth hormone, testosterone and blood boosters are inherently against the spirit of athletic competition. After all, how can putting things into one's body which could cause potential harm or even fatality be consistent with the myth that athletes are exhibiting the best possible physical performance of the human form? Yet any look at a serious banned list (and no, Major League Baseball, you don't have a serious banned list, nor does any other of the major professional American sports leagues... yet) indicates that far more than merely the "cream" and the "clear" and "greenies" are banned...
A cyclist gets popped for puffing his inhaler a few too many times... while his sprinting counterpart nearly got away with packing his nose with cocaine. Ross Rebagliati "went to a party where it was in the air" and, in Nagano in 1998, won the first snowboarding gold ever presented in the Olympics with ganja in his system. Mickey Mantle was perpetually drunk to the point where he said, "If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." And now, in Japan, scandal has arisen in the sumo world as the Russian wrestler known as Wakanoho pulled his own Rebagliati.
Are these people our classic vision of a doper?
Is there one "classic vision" of a doper?
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I am by no means the right man to be proselytizing about the evils of doping. I took my first shots at ten, smoked my first cigarette at eleven, and the rest was all downhill from there. I admit that I have used illicit substances before a grueling bicycle ride; I have gone backpacking in the woods -- by myself nonetheless! -- with a head full of chemicals. I have been worse to my body than even Mickey Mantle. Some say the body is a temple; others a roller coaster; mine has been treated like the village of Copsa Mica...
Yet as Chris Rock aptly points out in his 2003 political satire Head of State:
How can you make drug policy
if you never smoked the chronic?
How can you do that? Just a nickel bag!
So here I am, tequila in hand, ready to look at the hypocrisy so many of us are more than willing to live with every day as we condemn athletes for putting chemicals into their bodies as we medicate ourselves all the while. As a society, from our prison population bloated by a War on Drugs which goes long on mandatory sentencing and short on rehabilitative services to increasing numbers of pharmacological cures for everything from heartburn induced by poor eating habits to erectile dysfunction due to apathetic catatonia, we love miracle cures. Yet the one miracle cure which can show immediate results (despite the potential long-term side effects), that of performance-enhancing drugs used by athletes, are considered anathema to the entire human athletic spirit...
Why? We revere the champions of the past, foibles and all. This year's Tour de France Guide discusses how Charly Gaul, the Tour's 1958 winner along with victories in the Giro d'Italia in 1956 and 1959, would unapologetically talk about his use of amphetamines and other stimulants and chemicals to keep his legs churning over and over on the road. Thirty-five years before Gaul, the Pelissier brothers were already giving a famous interview to reporter Albert Londres, recounted in the seminal article Les Forcats de la Route (The Convicts of the Road) in his 1924 Tour race diary for Le Petit Parisien:
"You have no idea what the Tour de France is," Henri said. "It's a Calvary. Worse than that, because the road to the Cross has only 14 stations and ours has 15. We suffer from the start to the end. You want to know how we keep going? Here..." He pulled a phial from his bag. "That's cocaine, for our eyes. This is chloroform, for our gums." "This," Ville said, emptying his shoulder bag "is liniment to put warmth back into our knees." "And pills. Do you want to see pills? Have a look, here are the pills." Each pulled out three boxes. "The truth is," Francis said, "that we keep going on dynamite."
Ever since man first grabbed stick and created a spear, ever since we discovered uses for fire and for tools, human beings have sought better, more-efficient methods by which to obtain bigger and better and stronger results in everything from agriculture and architecture to the weight of each of Usain Bolt's world-record-setting shoes or Fabian Cancellara's wind-tunnel-tested champion time-trial bicycle or the LZR Racer increasing the efficiency of a swimmer like Michael Phelps as he streaks along to eight gold medals. We blink hardly an eye as the clothes athletes wear make them more wind resistant than their forbears; we say not a thing as their equipment becomes lighter and yet sturdier and thus more efficient. Yet if one of these athletes tries to even put certain cold remedies in his or her system there is imminent risk of a two-year ban. How many of us are forced to eschew a medication to recover from a cold to get back to work because that medication will get us immediately fired?
This seems like hypocrisy of the highest order. Does Dick Pound, the head of the World Anti-Doping Agency, have to follow these rules? Jacques Rogge? Sepp Blatter? Pat McQuaid? If one of them comes down with the sniffles, does he have to take less useful cold remedies because the ones that might work might also set off red flags in a urine test? Do they, if they have asthma, have to regulate how much salbutamol is in their system at all times so as not to go over the approved maximum levels?
We can create as extensive or as exclusive a list as we wish, yet not everyone will be appeased. For what is sport but a constant quest to seek a competitive advantage? Regardless of testing procedures and advancements athletes still continue to attempt to cheat the system and find new undetectable strains of performance-enhancing products. Some sides of the argument clamor for technological advances while others want sport to remain in a vacuum, immune from any alterations. Whether something like the handlebar positioning on a bicycle, the fit of a swimsuit, or even the length of leg prostheses as has been raised about South Africa's double-amputee Paralympic track champion Oscar Pistorius, some will always question the advancement of athletic technology. Yet these advancements are eventually assimilated and taken for granted by the next generation; yet what an athlete puts into his or her body is held to such scrutiny that health can ultimately be compromised for the overweaning surveillance...
Do I have all the answers? Hardly... except that the tequila in the glass is getting low. Hemingway and Thompson would be ashamed. Yet the truth is that there are no hard and fast answers to this dilemma. What is required is a more substantive dialogue in which we discuss what really should constitute a subversion of the rules of fair play. After all, if Bode Miller can pull off a speedy run down a snowy slope while hungover, why should he be reprimanded? So to with Rebagliati, who may or may not have inhaled -- so what if he did? How does a joint IMPROVE one's performance? We can ban all we want, but these problems will persist for time immemorial, as long as human beings pay other human beings to perform athletic marvels for the spectating pleasure of yet others still. Until we look into our own lifestyles and realize how much of what we take for granted would land us a ban were we to have to urinate to international sports standards, we are mere hypocrites every time we lambaste athletes for their indiscretions...
Irina Shayk
Christine Teigen
Arizona Rattlers Cheerleaders
Biggest Retirements of 2010
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BVOF Blogging Challenge
Bigalke v. Cassidy
Bigalke's Entry - 16:53 Eastern/20 Aug 2008
Bigalke
Eugene, OR
Total Comments (23636)
There are no pictures due to a pre-start agreement between Cassidy and myself that we would refrain from using them in these challenge articles...
Bigalke
Eugene, OR
Total Comments (23636)
"Does Dick Pound, the head of the World Anti-Doping Agency, have to follow these rules?"
___________________
BigAlke...Don't even pretend you weren't going for a chuckle by mentioning good ol' Dick Pound.
YODA
San Diego, CA
Total Comments (21846)
I wanted it stated up front that I was under ZERO influence of alcohol when I wrote my tourney blog. Alcohol has been known to be a performance enhancer for writers at least starting in the days of Drunk Twain...........errrrrrrrrrrrrr...............Mark.<winks to get agreement or as a sign of jest>
Cassidy's House:…
Whatsittoya, NO
Total Comments (16206)
Here is my entry for this blogging tourney:
http://www.fannation.com/blogs/post/235018
Cassidy's House:…
Whatsittoya, NO
Total Comments (16206)
Great points, Bigalke. I think Bolt's equipment (hell, he wasn't even in spandex like the US runners) didn't have as much of an effect on his performance as the LZR did. I would count more of the WRs in swimming to technology than I would in track.
DJTG_2010
Total Comments (5120)
Great blog Mr. Bigalke. This is actually extremely similar to what I was saying to the guys in the atroo.
You've already heard my thoughts on these world records being total bullcrap. And I, personally, think that all track athletes have to be under at least some suspicion of steroid use if they are in the shorter distances. The top sprinters seem to be on drugs more than any other group of athletes in sports.
Bigdleech
Total Comments (9960)
Hey, if this is a challenge...I think Bigalke's hit the jackpot with this. I actually read this...lol
And yet I wonder why I'M not part of this group (wink-wink, nudge-nudge, know what I mean??? LMFAO)...
WONDERFUL line from Waco Kid. "Telegram for Mongo...telegram for Mongo..." LMMFAO
DC Sports Nut: Nats,…
Total Comments (2546)
It's "Candy Gram for Mongo!"
I've never found alcohol to be even close to a benefit in writing. Singing, maybe...depends who you ask.
You have to at least consider the possibility that they are ingesting banned substances unknowingly. That doesn't make their accomplishments suddenly valid, but there's certainly a difference between a guy who was given 10 pills a day, told they were vitamin supplements, and his pee cup came back on fire (or whatever happens) because 0.001 percent of one of those pills contained an ingredient that all 29 consonants of its scientific name were banned.
Yes, I'm sick of the naivety card too, but it has to exist. Most of those guys are far too stupid to know exactly what they are taking all the time.
Bigalke, lay off the smokes, dude. Just thinking about one now...mmmm....D@mn you! MUST RESIST!
"...But we don't want the Irish!"
Steelercooz
Lakeville, MN
Total Comments (3590)
Wow.Excellent blog Bigalke is there even reason to look at your opponents blog?You druggie you.First smoke at 11?Why would you try at such a young age?Peer-pressure?Curiousity.This is nothing against you're lifestyle or anyone else's for that matter but I do not plan to ever smoke, chew, or drink alchoholic beverages.I want to keep my body good and functioning for a longtime.Not that people who do these things can't I just do not like these habits.Dick Pound.....lol.
(Cincy)
Jamestown, OH
Total Comments (10939)
"I do not plan to ever smoke, chew, or drink alchoholic beverages."
HA! <AHEM> sorry, I mean, that's very noble of you, Cincy...seriously, don't smoke or chew, but people will think you are weird and they won't trust you if you're a grown man who doesn't drink. Anyone over 21 here disagree with me?
Steelercooz
Lakeville, MN
Total Comments (3590)
Outstanding blog as always Zach.
One of the biggest hypocrits in this country - the US Congress. They will rail for drug testing in sports but they themselves are NOT drug tested. What's more important - finding out if adults playing games are on drugs or finding out if the people who make actual, life-altering decisions are on drugs.
rstowe
Newport News , VA
Total Comments (76083)
HA! <AHEM> sorry, I mean, that's very noble of you, Cincy...seriously, don't smoke or chew, but people will think you are weird and they won't trust you if you're a grown man who doesn't drink. Anyone over 21 here disagree with me?
Ombudsman Cooz | 08/20/08, 08:01 PM
I disagree with you.
The Ram
Pittsburgh, PA
Total Comments (32869)
HA! <AHEM> sorry, I mean, that's very noble of you, Cincy...seriously, don't smoke or chew, but people will think you are weird and they won't trust you if you're a grown man who doesn't drink. Anyone over 21 here disagree with me?
Ombudsman Cooz | 08/20/08, 08:01 PM
Most people will falsely assume you are a 'recovered' alcoholic or a religious nutter if you choose not to drink. That's just the way it goes.
YODA
San Diego, CA
Total Comments (21846)
Another stellar piece of writing from Bigalke.
Human beings are always striving for improvement, whether it be enhanced speed or endurance, a different body shape, a more youthful appearance - and some will pursue those "improvements" whatever the risks to health and/or reputation.
Most people hold figures in the public eye to a much higher standard than they themselves are prepared to live up to, and thus find themselves constantly disappointed when they feel they have been let down. "They're all on drugs anyway" - a common response when initiating a discussion about sporting achievement. I don't know whether that's true or not, but what I do know is that only a special few can run 100m in under 10 seconds, or complete the Tour de France, or win eight gold medals in the pool - and that the rest of us wouldn't have the wherewithal to achieve those things no matter how many drugs we might pump into our bodies.
For me it is a joy to observe these astounding athletes at work. Is that pleasure diminished when it is revealed that some of them may have had an unfair advantage over their rivals? Probably - and yet I am not prepared to sit in judgement from the comfort of my armchair. Any anyway, what do I know? For reasons I am not prepared to go into here (and not because of religious fervour or previous addiction) I have never smoked or taken any drugs other than painkillers and the odd course of antibiotics. I don't drink either (and yes, people do think you are weird, but fortunately at my advanced age it is generally assumed that I know my own mind and I am no longer badgered to "just try it, go on, you'll like it eventually ......").
Damn that turned into a long post - anybody got any anti-verbosity medication ....?
Oilers: NHI
Total Comments (6559)
Not I, Oilers... ;-)
But thanks for the thoughts... I love hearing when other people get sparks of inspiration from something I've brought up...
Bigalke
Eugene, OR
Total Comments (23636)
HA! <AHEM> sorry, I mean, that's very noble of you, Cincy...seriously, don't smoke or chew, but people will think you are weird and they won't trust you if you're a grown man who doesn't drink. Anyone over 21 here disagree with me?
Ombudsman Cooz | 08/20/08, 08:01 PM
I'm under 21 (18) and I'd have to agree with you. You'll drink Cincy...eventually. It's, basically, inevitable.
Big Ben68
Total Comments (20611)
Interesting thoughts, Bigalke. Not sure the comparison of legal drugs such as alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine to anabolic steroids or the abuse of prescription medicine is valid, though. Of the former, the first two are certainly not performance enhancing in athletics and the third only negligibly so. Whereas the drugs being take by athletes are specifically to improve performance in their chosen sport.
Personally I don't care if David Wells was "half drunk" when he threw his perfect game, as he claimed. In fact, I be even more impressed if I believed that was true. Mickey Mantle seriously harmed himself and his performance with his drinking and carousing. Mr. Mantle might have been the greatest ballplayer ever had he not abused his body in that manner. Sure didn't help him on the field.
I guess I'm saying a player doping for the intent purpose of performance enhancement is a far cry different from an alcoholic who can't put the bottle down long enough to get through a baseball season, or a cannabis connoisseur throwing away an NFL career. Both are abusing their body, but only one is gaining an unfair advantage on the playing field by doing so. If anything the other is hurting himself/herself on the field.
C-C-C
Total Comments (25480)
Very interesting thoughts as CCC said, Bigalke. Your great writing is there as always but the points you make are pretty new to me. I never thought of it in this way and, to a point, I agree with you.
Cincy, you're going to drink. Deal with it. It's possible to stay away from drugs and smoking but it's not possible to stay away from drinking for your entire life.
G.O.A.T. is back?
Scranton, PA
Total Comments (12317)
Excellent Blog BA.
Cincy, don't listen to them. You can abstain from drinking alcohol if you wish. You can abstain for as long as you like. No one can make the choice for you to drink or not. Do not yeild to peer pressure. Be your own man and use your own moral compass.
I myself have not abstained for better or worse. To be honest I can't state which it would be. In the end Cincy, be your self. Your friends will except you for who you are. If they don't, then they were never your friends in the first place.
Azmodi (Is saying…
Largo , FL
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