Nunya Bidness's Blog

     When I was a kid in the '50's there was an apparatus in the bathroom of every household in which an adult female lived. It was either kept hidden in the cabinet under the sink or partially hidden behind the chenille bathrobe hanging from a hook on the bathroom door.

     This strange looking contraption was a kind of square-shaped red rubber bag with a recessed plug in one end and a hole extending from the other to facilitate its hanging from a hook. This device also had a long hose-like tubing with a silver colored clip on it and a weird wand-type thing at the end of the hose. For those of you who may not know the name of what I have described, it was called a do*uchebag. Now for some reason FanNation won't let me spell the word correctly so I'll use the spelling I've seen across FN, "doosh".

       This device had multiple uses when the hose part was replaced with the plug. If you had a stomach ache or a backache, just fill it with hot water, plug it and place it where it hurt. If you had a headache or a hangover, fill it with cold water, plug it and put it on your head. The thing was made out of such thick rubber that it was practically indestructible and any time it was used, it smelled just like a tire store. I remember taking my mother's, filling the bag with water, attaching the hose, putting the wand end in the tub and squeezing the bag as hard as I could to make a 'bathtub fountain'.

     Somewhere along the line the dooshbag was replaced with what advertisers call feminine hygiene products like Massengill and Summers Eve. They are pre-measured, pre-mixed, single-use disposable containers that can easily fit into a purse or backpack for the 'woman on the go', and eventhough a majority of gynecologists have repeatedly stated that dooshing is more harmful than it is beneficial, many women choose to ignore their advice.

     So, is this then when the term "dooshbag" became an insult? YES! That bag system hanging in the bathroom became obsolete so the word needed a new definition and an insult was born.

     Now I don't know why every insult known to man for the purpose of insulting man has to have its roots in something associated with women, ie: ba*stard or sonofab*itch which calls into question the target's mother's non chastity, I only know it does and dooshbag or the shortened doosh are no exception. As Amanda Marcotte of Pandragon put it "calling someone a dooshbag is like calling them a d*ick except worse. A d*ick has power, a doosh only thinks he does."

     Jeff Steinbrunner on wrote that science can explain 5 typical dooshbag behaviors. let's see if we can find any of these behaviors in the NFL, shall we?

     At #5 is The Egocentric Dooshbag. He's the "Look at me! Look at me!" type of personality and right off the bat Chad Javon Ocho Cinco takes the top prize. I'm not sure if Brett Favre really belongs in this category or not since I never really noticed him until he left the Packers but this is where he's going.

     #4 The Weightlifting Dooshbag. This is the guy who stares at himself in the mirror while lifting weights wearing either a sleeveless t-shirt or no shirt at all and goes around flexing his muscles at everyone he meets. I'm sure the league is full of them but since I haven't seen them do it, I don't know their names. Perhaps you do.

     #3 is The Drunken Dooshbag and if the name Cedric Benson leapt to the front of your mind you're not alone. This is the guy who will drink a six-pack of beer, a fifth of scotch, a carafe of wine and your mother's cooking sherry then tell you he's fine as he gets into his car and parks it on your couch all while thinking he's in his own garage.

     #2 is to me the scariest of them all. The Raging Dooshbag. This is the road rage, domestic violence, destroyer of property and they are all over the NFL. The most notable according to google are James Harrison and Michael Pittman.

     The #1 spot goes to The Aging Dooshbag. These are the guys who give grumpy old men a bad name and I'm going on record right now with Don Shula and Bill Parcells.

     Well, there you have it, from a now obsolete piece of feminine hygiene equipment to an insult fit for a king. Wait a minute.....maybe when Arthur Fonzarelli and Vinnie Barbarino went around saying "up your nose with a rubber hose" they were really talking about dooshbags. HA!larger bathrobe            







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