FanNation - The Republic of Sport

I just saw the new Fantastic Four movie, and it was really great.  First of all, I'm a comic book dork, and I love movies based on Marvel Comics.  I liked Ghost Rider, Spider-Man 3 (though I hated the first two), and Blade, and now this movie.  Secondly, and I think we can all agree on this one, the Silver Surfer is just about the coolest thing ever.  I realize there are some people out there who are incapable of enjoying a movie like Fantastic Four, because it simply is not their thing, but for those of you who enjoy action, comics, super-heroes, sci-fi, cheeseball comedy (it's actually pretty funny at certain points), or all of the above, let me give you a few reasons to watch the movie: great action sequences, great special effects, Ioan Gruffud has Mister Fantastic down to a T, and Jessica Alba in a tight body suit.  'Nuff said.

Well, I've been brainstorming, and as Tank Johnson is out of job, and Pacman Jones is unemployed at least for the year, and Mike Vick and others might be facing similar situations, I've decided to pitch a few movie ideas that could give these troubled stars some much needed work while they are suspended.  Let me say that these movies are all my original ideas, so don't steal them from me, although my people are willing to hash out royalty deals.  Call me.

Here we go!  These movies have been painstakingly researched by my crack team of Hollywood insiders, and we're positive that each one, if cast correctly and executed efficiently, will be huge hits once released.  Considering the brilliance of "Firestorm" with Howie Long, these ideas are guaranteed winners on the domestic market. 

Idea for Family-Oriented Comedy film:

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?  Starring Mike Vick and Friends.  Plot:  Vick plays down and out dog trainer Dave Pitts, who lost his dignity when his prize dog had a nervous breakdown at Westminster Dog Show.  Disgraced, he falls into dispair, until he meets little Timmy Dickens, whose hopeless beagle could never win...OR COULD HE?  Togther, they learn lessons about love, friendship, and acceptance; they also learn the true meaning of Christmas along the way, but that's secondary.  Pitts turns little Timmy's dog from zero to hero, and in doing so, finds his own redemption.  A movie chock full of slapstick that the whole family can enjoy, look for Greg Kinnear to play the smarmy, antagonist rival dog trainer who is cruel to Timmy and his beagle at the beginning, only to get his comeupance at the end, and also Ben Stiller as Pitts' wisecrackin' sidekick, Sully.

Horror: 

SHOCKER: Starring Travis Taylor.  Plot: Taylor plays a serial killer who murders ambulance drivers.  As he's making his getaway, he is tasered by police detective Ron Johnson (played ably by Morgan Freeman), and then convicted of the murders and sentenced to death.  Unfortunately, the execution doesn't go as planned, and he aquires the powers of a living taser gun...making him the Shocker!  He proceeds to go on a mayhem filled spree where he refuses to let ambulances get to their destinations, and tasers all who get in his way.  Look for gruesome death scenes, great FX, and Qadry Ismail to make an appearance (but not really do anything) alongside Taylor.

Spy Thriler:

SHOT IN THE DARK: Starring Pacman Jones.  Plot:  Pacman Jones plays Special Agent X, who is sent to a stripclub to infiltrate what is believed to be an illegal Russian Mob front.  However, when he gets there, the lights go out and shots go off.  What happens next is one of the great mysteries of all time, as Agent X must race against time and evade his own agency to find out the truth of who set him up...and who fired the Shot in the Dark.  Look for Gary Sinise as the two-timing director of the agency who sets Pacman up.

Super-hero Movie:

THE DISCIPLINARIAN: Starring Tank Johnson.  Plot: Coming off the success of The Punisher comes The Disciplinarian, who is puttin' a whuppin' on all fools who don't follow the letter of the law.  Tank Johnson plays Tank Johnson, a down and out factory worker fired from his job because a big company is closing the factories so they can conduct a little illegal activity where they used to stand.  Tank gets his arsenal ready and goes out to right this wrong, or at least to finally get to use some of those guns he's had stashed away for so long.  The evil business man will be played by, of course, Michael Douglas.

and finally, in the edgey foreign, art-house forbidden romance category:

LOLITA PT.2: Starring Mark Chmura.  Plot: The former Packers Tight End plays a wealthy older man who begins a fling with his 17-year old female neighbor.  Scarlett Johansson will play the girl; the film's climax will be, of course, when they consumate their love at the Prom in front of Johansson's entire high school.

That's it for now.  Let me know what you think about my movie ideas.