I have watched wrestling in some form or another for longer than I can remember, I grew up with wrestilng.  It was my comic book hero's and villians moving and talking in real life.  It was my moral compass for a while, hell I even took my vitiams and said a little prayer before bed because Hulk Hogan said to.  I still remeber worrying for days that Hulk was going to get hurt by King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania 3. Years later my father and I went to so many matches in the tri-state area, Bundy and i had a running fued, and he caught me out side one day and said "one day i could be a manager, if I wanted." To the 4 younger kids around me I was a king that night.  I'm the kid, Jeff Jarrett called "the most anyoning fan in CT." and had to be restrained by Adam Bomb.  That was a personal best by myself.  One of the greatest days ever with my dad was at WM 13 in Hartford Ct.  Wrestling for a long time was great to me.

     Wrestling has turned into that friend in elementary that you are thick as theives, and in middle school you talk, but there more people and more things to explore, and by high school you parents are asking how's so-and-so, he never comes over anymore.  You spend time with this friend for the big stuff in your life.  You hang out when you can, and when there name comes up in mutual friends conversation, you perk up listening a little harded to see how he's doing.  You were of course "boys' back in the day.  So when you here someone died your floored, What ? How could this be ? i just heard they were doing great..... Expect for wrestling this happens too offen, and lately I've been left with that pit in stomach all to often.

    The truth of this matter as this has been wrestling not so dirty secret for a long time.  I can remember when wrestling changed for me, I watched a flim called "beyond the mat". It exposed an underbelly I wasn't sure I wanted to know about.  Superman was a mean drunk, and the wizard was a little old man behind the curtain.  This also the time wrestling changed it not only got edgeir it got harder to pick out the "good" guy and the "bad" guys.  It was not being sold to me anymore my time has passed.  I even told this to Jonthan Coachman and Al Snow in a bar in Stamford a few years back and they agreed.  it was more glitz and galm, but now my hero's growing up are proving not to be all that heroic at all.

     it also iroinc Stamford Ct is less than a 45 mintute drive from Bridgeport Ct.  See wrestling is a modren day freak show, and Mr. Vince Mcmahon would have made PT Barnum proud.  PT Barnum started the "freak" show, and Vince is contuining the tradition.  There paid well, but there still "freaks", some people can deal with that presure some can not. 

   Let's also not forget these superstar's that are dieing started in the bussiness 15-20 yrs. ago.  When steriods were legal and drugs we readly avaible.  They created there own deamons and now are forced to deal with them. They partied hard and worked harder. To make wrestiling what it is, and there is a ying to every yang.  So now we as fans have to defend ourselves for being fans.  That's the cross we bear.

     That's bring us to Chris Beniot, now I rooted for him as a wrestler.  He was a tough as nails SOB, who worked harder then I've seen in a while and his body never seemed to fail him.  now I've always had blinders on when it comes to steriods, and the fact that WWE tests now is a big step.  So when I heared Chris and family were dead i was shocked and went on WWE website and cried with all the superstars remebering him. This was less than 2 weeks after Sheri Martel had passed away.  So I was numb, How ? What ? i just heard they were doing great.......... Now wrestlers, and wrestling fans are dealing with a whole new group of problems.  Chris was far from a hero.  it wouldn't be out of line to call him a monster.  Three people are gone and countless people are affected.  Now here's the only problem I have, to group Chris Beniot and all wrestler together as steriod freaks who should be caged is wrong.  Ray Caruth didn't make all football palyers bad.  Susan Smith didn't make all mothers bad.  They were tragicly flawed people.  Who made horrible decesion.   As the coming weeks pass, I hope we gain answers, but I'm afraid we'll only be left with more questions.  I don't apoligze for being a wrestling fan, but wish I was't such a fan of Chris Beniot.  May Nancy and her son find peace in heaven and only hope there deaths were painless and quick, may God shine his light on both of there souls......