Breaking news out of Detroit, MI | Weapon X's Blog

Detroit, MI (Weapon X Press) - The Detroit Lions have announced the signing of Cedric Benson, notorious party boat drunk driven dude and crappy tailback.

According to Detroit's town idiot General Manager Matt Millen, the addition of Benson "allows us to add some competition to the turd soup that is our runningback situation". Benson, who had a star-studded college career yet a dump of a pro career similar to another UT dread-headed runningback, is most famously known for his Pontoon boat extravaganza with Rasaan Salaam and Curtis Enis you can read in a previous blog posted by Weapon X Press.

Recently signed runningback Rudi Johnson, who has yet to impress in silver and blue, was overheard saying "that fool better watch his bags...that's how we get down in the D-Town. Oh damn, I hope there's some liquor in there!". Johnson is most famously known for watching numerous playoff games from his couch, as well as having his luggage stolen by Tatum Bell upon arrival in Detroit. Tatum Bell was unavailable for comment, as rumors continue to swirl he still remains shacked up in a crack house in Flint, MI with Rudi Johnson's underwear on his head.

Kevin Smith, perhaps the only positive ingredient in the poop soup, had no comment. However, in an intercepted text message to UCF Head Coach George O'Leary, stated "Why the **** did I come out early....I could be nailing tail in the freshman dorms right now rather than sitting in Detroit watching Kitna shave his head, while Millen continues to blackmail ownership into keeping his job by using photos from a Thanksgiving Day game victory party at Herman Moore's crib. You know, the ones with Wayne Fontes in only a tutu chasing Barry Sanders while John Madden throws turkey drumsticks at him?" Calls to Wayne Fontes' camp were not returned.

When asked about a fresh start with the Detroit, Benson stated that he's always felt like he played for the Lions, since when he was on the Bears, he helped the Lions out more than he did his own team. "It's like coming home, again", said Benson. "I really feel like I've been helping this team out for years, now I can actually wear their uniform. Wow."

Reports out of Bears camp are there are already plans for victory parties for both matchups with Detroit this season as long as Benson is active.