Ask Uncle Gary!
Hello everyone. Lately I have been getting a lot of negative backlash about my abilities as an NHL Commissioner. People have been saying I'm out of touch and wouldn't know hockey if one of their bats hit me on the 10 yard line.

So this year I'm here to give you my weekly picks for my own NHL Power Rankings and I think you'll agree that after this, someone will owe somebody an apology.

So let's get started...

1. Toronto Maple Leafs

I'm picking Toronto as the team to beat this year (repeatedly) and I'm going to personally see to it that they have no competition in the Southern Ontario market for a long time to come. GO LEAF$ GO!

2. St. Louis Blues

St. Louis has the second best shade of blue in the league and a nice alternate jersey on the market. Get yours now!

3. New York Islanders

With management like this how can they go wrong?

4. LA Kings

With only 2 (non-overtime) losses this preseason they're on pace to lose only 23 games!

5. Columbus Blue Jackets

Columbus’ 4-3 beat down of Nashville on Sept 26 in front of 11,000 plus Ice Capades fans really shows the progress we are making in this so called troubled market.

6. Nashville Predators

I don’t want people to say I’m playing favorites but you really have to think that their location in a warm part of the states must be their reason for such continued success.

7. Atlanta Thrashers

That battle of the titans on Oct 3 resulted in a 6-4 Nashville win. Go Nashville!

8. Edmonton Oilers

Why would anyone want to play hockey in such a cold place? Maybe I’ll do them a favor and relocate them to Arkansas.

9. Vancouver Canucks

Canucks? What’s a Canuck? Teams are supposed to be named something manly like Thrashers or Ducks or Penguins.

10. Ottawa Senators

Look at me now. I have 4 Canadian teams in my top ten! I’m waiting for my apology.

11. Florida Panthers

I didn’t realize until now how many teams there are in this league. I’m going to spend all day filling this thing out. I’ll just put the next 9 together and fill them in next week. I guess contraction DOES work. (skip to 21)

12. Colorado Avalanche

13. Minnesota Wild

14. Carolina Hurricanes

15. Phoenix Coyotes

16. Boston Bruins

17. New Jersey Devils

18. Tampa Bay Lightning

19. Chicago Blackhawks

20. Buffalo Sabres

21. Calgary Flames

I heard somewhere that nobody cares about Jerome Iginla. Perhaps a change of scenery would help that along. I’m sure I can find a nice spot in Nashville for you.

22. Washington Capitals

Mr. Iginla - see how nicely things have worked out for Alex Ovechkin? You could be in Washington. It would be a pretty patriotic move too. You wouldn’t have to worry about being called Canadian. We have ways of hiding that.

23. Philadelphia Flyers

What a shame. They have a logo that hasn’t changed in forever and their jerseys are orange for goodness sake. How am I supposed to market that I ask you?

24. Anaheim Ducks

Mr. Eisner, you make good hockey!

25. San Jose Sharks

$56 million dollar payroll? I suppose we can help you out with one of our lucrative TV deals.

26. New York Rangers

Pssst. Sundin. We’re all waiting.

27. Dallas Stars

1 win in 7 preseason games. I think we know where this team is going.

28. Pittsburgh Penguins

I’ve got a good feeling about the future of this hockey club. There’s this kid named Sidney Crosby who is quite good but better than that he’s got a face you can put on everything from cereal to snowtires. The Pittsburgh Crosbys. I like the sound of that.

29. Detroit Red Wings

I know they won the cup of Stanley last year but what are the odds they can do it two years in a row? I mean no one has done that since… well probably a long time!

30. Montreal Canadiens

And to think, all this time I’ve been spelling Canadians wrong.


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