FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Bengals and lions are supposed to fight for supremacy of the jungle. Lions are the kings of the mighty sub-Saharan desert, while bengals roar through the rugged terrain of eastern India.

The last place you'd expect these to proud animals to fight is in the depths of urine-infested waters of the male urinal of the dive bar located on Interstate 79 in the outskirts of a small village in the hills of West  Virginia two weeks before our 44th president is inaugarated.

Of course, if you are the class of Bengal from Cincinnati or the breed of Lion from Detroit, such a match-up is not completely out of reach. Republican presidential candidate John McCain has a better chance of winning Tuesday's national election outright than the Bengals or Lions winning this weekend -- or any weekend.

Which raises the prospect of one of the worst seasons ever in NFL history -- right up there with 1978 (0-14 Colts) and 1982 (labor dispute limits season to nine games).

0-32 anyone?

Get ready for the Toilet Bowl, scheduled for January 4 in Cincinnati. All we need is minus-15 degree weather and a bunch of overweight Bengal fans wearing no shirt, jeans and a paper bag over their balding heads. Perhaps I should take a Sharpie and draw a scary face on each bag, eh? 

Sounds absurd, but we are almost half way there -- the Bengals are a meager 0-8, while the Lions are slightly better at 0-7. 

On tap for the Bengals are:  Eagles, Steelers, Ravens, Colts, Redskins, Browns and Chiefs.

The Lions' schedule is slightly tougher: Bears, Jaguars, Panthers, Buccaneers, Titans, Vikings, Colts, Saints and Packers.

Of all these opponents, the only teams worst than 3-4 (through Week 8) are Cleveland and Kansas City -- the last two teams Cincinnati faces in 2008.

All other teams are currently playoff contenders. 

Perhaps Cincinnati could pull off a win at Cleveland or in the season finale against the Chiefs, who have only won once so far. Ha! Imagine 0-15 vs. 1-14 in the Bengal's home finale!

Think anyone will attend a Bengals-Chiefs game on Dec. 28 at Paul Brown Stadium? Hey, it's better than 0-16 vs. 0-16!!!

Joking aside, both teams have serious issues, and their opponents through Week 15 are not so friendly.

Which makes this season perhaps the biggest joke of all time! If we include the Chiefs (currently 1-6) in the equation, we may witness to the worst record among the league's bottom three teams -- ever! (With exception of the shortened 1982 season, when the Colts went 0-8-1).

Let's consider the past four decades of professional football. In the Modern Era of the NFL, no team has ever went winless in a 16-game season. (The Tampa Bay Buccaneers did go 0-14 in 1976).

However, since the NFL expanded to 16 games in 1978, there have been 10 seasons where at least one team managed no more than a single victory.

The most recent was last season, when the hapless Miami Dolphins went 1-15. The next worst team? Try the St. Louis Rams, who went 3-13 in 2007.

Collectively, both teams went 4-28. That combined, two-team win total may be higher than the win total of the three worst teams in 2008.

In 2001, the league's three worst teams combined for six wins -- Carolina (1-15), Detroit (2-14) and Buffalo (3-13).

The San Diego Chargers went 1-15 in 2000, with the next Cincinnati (3-13) and Arizona (3-13) finishing slightly better.

With a 1-15 record in 1996, the New York Jets combined with Atlanta (3-13) and New Orleans (3-13) for seven combined wins.

In three consecutive seasons between 1989 and 1991, three different teams managed only one win in 17 weeks. 

Three teams finished with a 3-13 record in 1991 -- L.A. Rams, Tampa Bay and Cincinnati and when the Colts went 1-15.

One season earlier, the New England Patriots finished 1-15. Other than the Browns (3-13), all other teams finished with at least 5 wins in 1990.

In 1989, with Troy Aikman under center, the Dallas Cowboys hit NFL futility with a 1-15 record. Atlanta (3-13) and the New York Jets (4-12) were the only other teams not to win five games that year.

The New Orleans Saints went 1-5 in 1980, though no other team won less than four games that season.

With the exception of 1982, when a labor dispute shortened the season to 9 games, never has ever been winless the entire season. Heck, at least the Colts, 0-8-1, tied a game that season. The Houston Oilers went 1-8 that year, while the L.A. Rams and Denver Broncos both finished with 2-7 records.

In each 16-game season since 1978, the bottom three teams have managed to win at least six games. Ironically, the Titans already managed to pass that total in eight weeks -- and they had a bye!

Yet, midway through the 2008 season, the bottom three are a collective 1-21. The Bengals, Lions and Chiefs have to combine for a 5-21 record in the final nine weeks of the season just to match the futile 2001 season.

As the Lions prepare for nine straight games against possible playoff contenders, it isn't a stretch to predict an 0-16 finish.

Same for the Bengals, who play againstplayoff teams for the next five weeks.

The Chiefs don't have it any easier, with the only realistic chances at victory No. 2 coming against Buffalo or Miami before traveling to Cincinatti for the season finale.

Factoring in anemic offenses, pourous defenses and painful injuries to the tough schedules, we can very well experience the first season where the team who finishes with one win is two spots from the bottom!

So, while the NFL pundits want to brag about parity, is their really a level playing field when three "professional" teams can only manage one win in 22 games?

Is winning more games in the pre-season (2) than the regular season (1) the best Kansas City can offer its fans?

Isn't something wrong when the most exciting story coming out of Cincinnati is what name Chad Ocho-Cinco will use on the back of his jersey?

Doesn't Detroit deserve more than a team whose record looks like the low-high reading from a local weatherman in November?

Doesn't each team's respective ownership owe us more?

For all the money that fans collectively give the league each week, is it too much to ask for a better product?

Until the NFL steps up its game, I'll be sitting on my toilet, reading the sports page. Perhaps when I get up to flush, I won't find a couple NFL teams in the filthy waters.