Ask Uncle Gary!

Finally we have some rankings that make some sense.

Forbes Magazine just came out with their ranking of the most successful NHL teams and when you’re talking about POWER, in my book, MONEY is the only thing that really counts. So this week I’m ranking the teams by their monetary value and to give you an idea of their improvement I’m including their rank last year as well. I think if you look very closely you will see that there’s one team that climbed higher than the rest.

That’s right, the Nashville Predators went from #30 last year all the way up to #23. That’s 7 spots! At this rate they’ll be #1 in under 4 years. You just can’t argue with numbers like that. Honorable mentions go to the Minnesota Wild, Pittsburgh Penguins and St. Louis Blues for their 4 spot jumps as well.

Also it is interesting to note that of the 6 Canadian teams listed Calgary moved up 3 spots and Montreal, Ottawa and Vancouver only moved up 1 spot each. Also Edmonton and Toronto didn’t even move at all! So out of all 6 teams they only moved up a combined 6 spots. That makes Nashville 1 spot better than all the Canadian teams combined.

I’m glad that I was able to give you all a little insight into how my brain works. It’s not just me, some of the greatest minds in the NHL agree that mine is a truly dizzying intellect.

1. Toronto Maple Leafs ($448 mil – Last Year #1)

With wins over the Bruins, Senators and Devils this last week it’s easy to see why they are the most valuable team in the league. That, and my undying protection of their Southern Ontario market. GO LEAF$ GO!

2. New York Rangers ($411 mil – Last Year #2)

Brandon Dubinsky, affectionately referred to by his teammates as Doobie, seems to have been smoking something similar when he took two penalties in his first 42 seconds on Monday night. In all fairness he was born in Alaska and we all know how little there is to do up there. You’re either into Hockey, Pot or Politics. (Sometimes all three.)

3. Montreal Canadiens ($334 mil – Last Year #4)

Although I would never personally go there, it seems like Montreal has done pretty good for itself as a money making team. They even jumped over the Red Wings and they won the cup last year. I guess printing your own money has its advantages.

4. Detroit Red Wings ($303 mil – Last Year #3)

I would like to settle a little something from last week. It appears that I gave the impression that Yzerman was asked to be the GM of the Leafs. This is not the case. Steve only mentioned that if the opportunity came up that he would be willing to step into that role. What he didn’t realize is that the Leafs are looking for someone with experience this time. But that could have confused anyone considering their recent GM selections.

5. Philadelphia Flyers ($275 mil – Last Year #6)

The Flyers are trying out the Wachovia Center as their practice rink, which is also their home rink. The thinking is they will get a better feel for the ice and the way the puck bounces (or doesn’t) off the boards and it would give them more of a Home Ice feel. Considering they’re 1 for 4 at home they may want to reconsider.

6. Dallas Stars ($273 mil – Last Year #5)

A little bird told me (Thanks YODA) that Sean Avery was all upset with The Sports Network (TSN) and said he would not do any interviews for them because their hockey panel are “a bunch of idiots”. Now I’ve heard first hand, some of the unflattering things they’ve said about me so I’m going to have to side with Sean on this one. I think we should all applaud Mr. Avery for sticking up for the little guy. We’re just misunderstood is all.

7. Boston Bruins ($263 mil – Last Year #7)

You would think Milan Lucic’s new contact lenses had to help with his hat trick against the Thrashers on Saturday night but apparently, not one of those shots were on net. I don’t know what to take from it but in my personal experience the more you turn a blind eye to a problem the more it seems to go away. Like TV ratings and salary caps.

8. Vancouver Canucks ($236 mil – Last Year #9)

The fat kid got another goal over the weekend.

9. Colorado Avalanche ($231 mil – Last Year #8)

Losing 3-0 to the Flames is bad enough. Having to actually go to Calgary to get your butt handed to you must be hard to take as well.

10. New Jersey Devils ($222 mil – Last Year #13)

Too bad that Brodeur had to lose in the shootout to Toronto last night but that is just the kind of hockey I was envisioning when I invented the shootout. Nicholas Hagman skating backwards puts a backhanded shot under the blocker of Mr. Brodeur while sending ice chips into his face for the shootout winner. I think you’ll be seeing more of that in the future.

11. Minnesota Wild ($217 mil – Last Year #15)

The Wild have beaten the Bruins, Blue Jackets and the Blackhawks this year. Their only 2 losses have come against the Sabres and the Stars. So you know what that means. They have a very poor record against teams that start with the letter S. Watch out for the Sharks on Tuesday.

12. Los Angeles Kings ($210 mil – Last Year #10)

With Tom Preissing out of the lineup this last week the Kings have lost their last 2 games. They’re both understandable since they lost to Detroit and the powerhouse Nashville Predators.

13. Ottawa Senators ($207 mil – Last Year #14)

With only 1 win in their last 5 games, the Senators are already looking forward to their game against the Wild on Valentine’s Day.

14. Chicago Blackhawks ($205 mil – Last Year #16)

Didn’t win a thing this week. Oh wait! That’s not true. They got a point against Detroit for losing in the shootout. Good thing they didn’t follow it up with a win or they might have had to fire their coach.

15. Calgary Flames ($203 mil – Last Year #18)

Boston Bruins have back to back 1-0 shutout wins going into their game against Calgary tonight. Calgary has one of their own. So to all of you who don’t like the shootout, sometimes it’s the only way to get these late games over with at a reasonable hour. Now aren’t you glad I invented it?

16. Anaheim Ducks ($202 mil – Last Year #12)

After starting the year with 4 straight losses they’ve won their last 5 in a row. If this team doesn’t make up their mind about which direction they’re going in they’re going to start being compared to their GM Mr. Burke.

17. Tampa Bay Lightning ($200 mil – Last Year #11)

They beat the Leafs! They beat the Leafs! See what replacing a GM can do to motivate a team!

18. Pittsburgh Penguins ($195 mil – Last Year #22)

There’s a third jersey coming on November 5th. It’s a fashionable powder blue for all of you Pittsburgh fans who are looking for something a little different. Looks like Pittsburgh is going to be moving up in next year’s money list as well. Ca-ching!

19. San Jose Sharks ($179 mil – Last Year #17)

One lucky child is going to win San Jose’s mascot “Sharkie” to go trick or treating on Halloween with them this year. We should do this in Nashville! Have your children trick or treat with a Predator this Halloween. The phone will be off the hook.

20. Edmonton Oilers ($175 mil – Last Year #20)

The Oilers are holding a charity auction. Perhaps selling the franchise to Kansas City would help them reach their target.

21. Buffalo Sabres ($169 mil – Last Year #19)

The 2011 World Juniors will be played in Buffalo. This is nice because they will have a first hand look at the draft picks they will be getting in 2012-15.

22. Carolina Hurricanes ($168 mil – Last Year #21)

So it looks like Matt Murley didn’t have the proper paperwork to play in the Russian League. After being drafted by the Penguins in 1999 and playing parts of 2003-04 and 2005-06 in the NHL and following that up with a stellar 3 game season with Pheonix he just up and left his promising career with the Carolina affiliate Albany River Rats in the AHL. So let this be a lesson to you all. I’m watching you whether you’re Radulov or not!

23. Nashville Predators ($164 mil – Last Year #30)

I can only say this so many times. I am not moving my favorite team to Toronto or Hamilton or anywhere other than Kansas City or perhaps Vegas. Having teams in healthy markets is just not something we are looking into at the moment.

24. Florida Panthers ($163 mil – Last Year #23)

The Panthers promotions team has gone all out on this one. Tonight against the Senators they’re giving away, to every fan regardless of age or gender, a completely free, Schedule Card!!! This card is 1 in a series of 3 schedule cards they’ll be giving away this year. Your next chance will be Jan 8 when they take on Carolina and lastly on Feb. 21 when Boston comes to town. If you’re a big fan of rare collector’s items you won’t want to miss this one. Come for the Schedule Card and stay for the unique brand of hockey that only Florida can provide.

25. St Louis Blues ($162 mil – Last Year #29)

It’s the attack of the killer Palins! Where will she strike next? Wherever there is a team that needs a few extra people in the seats, she’ll be there. Wherever there is a town in a borderline blue state, she’ll be there. Wherever there is poor marketing she’ll most likely be there too. See you in Phoenix.

26. Washington Capitals ($160 mil – Last Year #28)

That Alex guy from Russia is just lighting it up this year! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I sure do love Semin.

27. Atlanta Thrashers ($158 mil – Last Year #26)

Vegas Thrashers or Kansas City Thrashers? Which one do you like Mr. Ballsillie?

28. Columbus Blue Jackets ($157 mil – Last Year #24)

Peca’s been back for 3 games now and no wins for Columbus. Perhaps he’s decided to take the full ten games off after all.

29. New York Islanders ($154 mil – Last Year #25)

DiPietro’s out! Everybody back off the bandwagon.

30. Phoenix Coyotes ($142 mil – Last Year #27)

So last on the money list is Phoenix. I just saw on your website that you have a Student, Teacher and Military night offering tickets for $20 lower level and $10 upper level tickets. You must be selling out every night. You do know Toronto sells out every night as well but they went and sneakily raised ticket prices year after year. You should try that. Or maybe you could try changing your logo again. Or you could hire a big name in hockey to come coach your team. Oh well, at least you’re better off now than you were in Winnipeg!


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