Cubs Take Two of Three from Brewers; Fielder Takes Two of... | Bricks and Ivy Radio's Blog

Cubs Take Two of Three from Brewers; Fielder Takes Two of Three French Silk Pies from Bakers Square

by Richard N. Sachs

(Chicago, IL) -- The Chicago Cubs finished a successful homestand by going 5-1 and, more importantly, took 2 of 3 games against the first-place Milwaukee Brewers, inching closer to their Central Division rivals to the North and returning to .500 once again.

As the Cubs celebrated taking two of three from the Brewers, newly-elected All-Star, Prince Fielder, visited a nearby Bakers Square and took two of three French Silk pies from the display case.

"French Silk pies is the [best]. That's on the real," said Prince, scooping bite after bite of velvety smooth chocolate silk, topped with fluffy whipped cream and milk chocolate shavings into his eager mouth.

Fielder, shown sitting outside Bakers Square restaurant #237 in Rogers Park, clutches two award-winning French Silk pies in his lap. "It's a chocolate-lover's dream," said Fielder.

"The Wrigley postgame spread wasn't bad," said Fielder, "but Corey Hart has a long wingspan and he snatched the last two cheese danishes right from under my nose. That [stuff] wasn't cool. But I slid over to the other side of the table and slipped three or four summer sausages into my back pocket."

Fielder, hitting .281/.371/.614 with 27 home runs in just 81 games has been one of the hottest hitters in the league and a major reason for the Brewers' success thus far.

"The sausages were church. Church as hell. But my sweet tooth was still barkin' at me. That's when the angel on my left shoulder whispered in my ear, 'Bakers Square -- The Best Pie in America®.' That's when I knew what I had to do," said Fielder.

Fielder, the first Brewer voted in by the fans as a starter in 19 years, is very happy with his success this season.

"This is just the beginning. I plan on getting endorsements from Cracker Barrel and Old Country Buffet comin' up soon, so I can get my eat-on for free wherever I travel," said Prince, finishing up the first of two pies. "Old Country Buffet -- try our new Rancher's Select® Premium Steak. It's an All-Star...how did that sound?"

Representatives from Cracker Barrel and Old Country Buffet could not be reached for comment.

For more wonderful articles like this, please visit us at www.cubsbrickyard.com.

In case it isn't painfully obvious, this is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. It is not known by this author whether Prince typically eats two pies in one sitting. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don't sue. We don't have money anyway. Complaints taken at geoff@bricksandivyradio.com