Cowboys will be Cowboys | NFLampoon

DALLAS, TX-- According to one member of the Dallas Cowboys organization, the media is barking up the wrong tree when it comes to the origin of the Jason Witten and Terrell Owens feud. It apparently has nothing to do with anything that took place on the field, in the locker room or at team and/or positional meetings. The source, who was only willing to talk on the condition of anonymity, says that an already tense relationship between the two boiled over when Witten borrowed Mighty Morphin Power Ranger figurines from the precocious Owens and allegedly returned one ruined. Witten is claiming that the figurine, which was one of many he borrowed to entertain a visiting nephew, was already broken. As manageable as this situation may seem from the outside- an NFL tight end can seemingly afford to replace a simple figurine, if only to keep the peace-- the incident put new pressure on an already complicated and tense relationship between the two. It is also embarrassingly difficult for the Cowboys to share the real nature of the incident with the press, ergo the genesis of another speculative media circus.

According to the source, the problem began about a year ago, when Owens used a team return flight to write his yearly letter to Santa Clause. When Witten got wind of what Owens was doing, he successfully goaded Owens into a $100,000 bet about the actual existence of Santa Clause. Witten obviously won the bet and refused to let Owens out of paying up. According to the source, Owens was "mad about the money and being tricked, and sad that Christmas was all the sudden a little less fun." Witten, in turn, was angry that Owens told on him, and about the subsequent scolding he received from Owens' mother. Thus, by time the figurine incident took place, relations between the two all-pro performers were already seriously strained.

Perhaps indicative of the bad luck that has dogged the Dallas Cowboys all season long, the figurine incident came at a time when both players were on the verge of reconciliation. "The sad thing is that T.O. loaned Jason the figurines as a way of saying he forgave him. You'd have to see T.O. play with those things to fully appreciate how big that gesture was." Although Witten is said to be willing to back away from "making a statement of principle" by refusing to replace the figurine, Owens apparently doesn't want, and says he will refuse to accept a replacement anyway. The source was unable to give details of the Cowboys' plans to deal with the situation, saying only, "The last I heard, they threw their hands up dramatically, and said, very sarcastically, ‘Fine, go ahead and do what you want' before stalking out of the room. I think that was just the frustration talking, though."

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