WANTED: Tourism Queensland is seeking an individual to assume the role of "Island Caretaker" of Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef region of the South Pacific.
JOB DESCRIPTION: The position is for 6 months. You'll receive accomodation and transportation on Hamilton Island, travel insurance for the contract period, computer, internet, digital video and stills cameras access, plus travel to a number of the other Islands of the Great Barrier Reef.
DUTIES: The following is a list of some of the responsibilities associated with the position.
Feed the Fish - There are over 1,500 species of fish living in the Great Barrier Reef. Don't worry...you won't need to feed them all.
Clean the Pool - The pool has an automatic filter, but if you happen to see a stray leaf floating on the surface it's a great excuse to dive in and enjoy a few laps.
Explore the Island - Spend a day backpacking one of the numerous trails on the island. Take some time to examine the reef up close on a scuba diving expedition. Don't leave any patch of dirt (or water) untouched.
Report Back to the Queensland Tourism Headquarters - You'll be responsible for weekly blogs, a photo diary, video updates and ongoing media interviews to help keep your boss (as well as the public) in the loop and satisfied with your work.
EDUCATION/EXPERIENCE REQUIREMENTS: A broad range of experience will be considered, but the successful applicant should possess:
Excellent Interpersonal communication skills
Good written and verbal English skills
An adventurous attitude
Willingness to try new things
A passion for the outdoors
Good swimming skills and enthusiasm for snorkelling or diving
Ability to engage with others
SALARY: The successful candidate will receive a paid salary package of $150,000 for the 6-month contract.
Sound like just the gig for you? Join the 200,000 some people who applied via web within the first 24 hours of the announcement. I mean, how hard could it be?
In a lot of ways, I think this is how we fans go about in our thinking of what it means to be a GM. When we think of the power and presitige that comes with the position of General Manager of a Major League Baseball team, we can't help but to be taken back to our childhood days when we were trying to trade our way to the best baseball card collection possible. To be the guy pulling all the strings. To be in constant contact with individuals whom many consider to be their idols. Oh, and let's not forget the positive affect it has on your bank account. It's the perfect gig, right? Well, before you go sending in your resume to Dewitt, you might want to take a closer look at the fine print.
WANTED: The St. Louis Cardinals management (as well as the fans) are seeking an individual to assume the role of General Manager of their Major League club based in St. Louis, Missouri.
JOB DESCRIPTION: The position is for however long before we decide you are not doing an adequate enough job and decide to fire you. You'll receive a roster of players which you had little or nothing to do with assembling. Ownership will readjust your monetary allowance to keep these players satisfied (as well as to add new players) in accordance with their annual revenue reports and the hourly stockmarket updates they receive on their Blackberrys . It is your responsibility to field a team that will bring St. Louis a championship within your first three years (that's if we keep you around that long).
DUTIES: The following is a list of some of the other responsibilities associated with the position.
Feed the Fish - You will inherit a roster of 25 money hungry Major League Baseball players. Each will come equipped with their own personal agents whose job is to suck the life out of you each and every day via contract negotiations, arbitration, and hold-outs. Your job is to keep the 'Big Fish' happy without hurting ownership's pocketbook. 'Little Fish', regardless of their popularity with the fanbase, are expendable. If possible contact the Cubs about acquiring these players.
Clean the Pool - Occassionally you will be forced to deal with a disgruntled player or coach. In keeping team harmony, it will be necessary to get rid of such individuals. It doesn't matter if they are a vital part of the team's success or if no other clubs are interested in them...trade them. Oh, and don't forget to get equal value for them. Your job depends on it.
Explore the Island - Each offseason there is a new crop of free agents that must be examined. Many will receive hype that may exceed the level their play deserves. Acquire them. Give them whatever their agent demands. You will also be required to explore any and every trade opportunity out there. No one in the organization is untouchable. No one. Be on the constant lookout to add "Star Power" to our lineup. Disregard any inclination you may have about developing talent within the organization. If for some reason any of your signings or trades is deemed a failure, be prepared to receive countless threats and criticisms via email, blogs, and message boards. Also be prepared to clean out your desk.
Report Back to Cardinal's Ownership (and fans) - You will be expected to report to both ownership and fans before making any decisions about the ball club. If an opportunity arises that you believe will help the team, you must first consult ownership. Once ownership has cleared (or rejected) your proposal, you must then consult the fanbase. If, after consulting both ownership and the fans, your move is approved, you may then proceed. If there is a conflict between what ownership wants and what the fanbase wants, please default to ownership's decisions (we sign your paychecks). However, be prepared to receive countless threats and criticisms via email, blogs, and message boards. Also be prepared to clean out your desk, we have to keep the fans happy.
EDUCATION/EXPERIENCE REQUIREMENTS: A broad range of experience will not be considered. Please have the following:
A strong knowledge of baseball (know the rules at the very least)
Good written and verbal English/Spanish/Japanese skills (these will be vital in dealing with players from around the globe)
Excellent Interpersonal Communication Skills (this will come in handy when dealing with a disgruntled player, coach, or fanbase)
An adventurous attitude (this will be needed when entering your first trade deadline and offseason)
Willingness to try new things (don't be afraid to think outside the box. perhaps giving up a portion of your salary to acquire a utility player is just the type of team play we need to get us over the hump)
A passion for the outdoors (due to the instability of the position, this may be useful in adjusting to your life as a member of the homeless community after your dismissal)
Good swimming skills and enthusiasm for snorkelling or diving (this is a requirement, as you're sure to be the first person thrown overboard if the ship is deemed sinking)
Ability to engage with others (this may become necessary when dealing with tough contract negotiations. a background in MMA is preferred)
SALARY: With a job opportunity as magnificent, as wonderful, as absolutely perfect as this...you wouldn't think of actually asking us to pay you, would you?