I cannot anticipate a more eloquent moment when during SEC Media Days much revered, praised, and respected head coach Lane Kiffin proclaims that his experienced and superbly assembled Volunteer team will "put the hurt on Meyer the Cell Phone Cheater, divinely disgrace the honarable and loyal cajun, Nick Saban, and out of a fog machine in the South end zone, trounce the once-heralded Georgia BullPups." Later, he will be offended when Steve Spurrier refuses to shake his hand and claim him to be greeting impaired, an NCAA violation.
In the meantime, here are a few predictions for the SEC:
- In the SEC East South Carolina - Georgia game, Spurrier will find his quarterback of the future, unleashing 300 yards passing and defeating Georgia 31-28 in the final seconds on a field goal he kicks himself. Georgia fans will momentarily forget the name Lane Kiffin.
- After defeating Charleston Southern 69 - 3, Florida will lose votes in the AP poll after Pete Carroll declares Mitch Mustain the Heisman trophy front runner.
- The following week, Emmanuel Moody puts up 180 yards rushing on Troy and flips the middle reptile at USC.
- Ole Miss will defeat LSU in a shootout 42 - 35 on the arm of Snead. Both will be ranked in the top 15.
- After losing to LSU, Alabama runs the table all the way to Atlanta, pausing only momentarily to tell Kiffin he was more successful in the NFL.
- Mississippi State will win 7 games and make it to a bowl, the only team to defeat the Gators. They lose to Ole Miss, Alabama, and LSU.
- After recovering from foot surgery in the offseason, Brandon James returns the opening kickoff against Tennessee for a touchdown. Leading 24 - 0 with seconds left before halftime at 3rd down on their own 20 yard line, Meyer calls back to back time outs, claiming he was "planning running plays for the second half."
- After beating Georgia Tech 27 - 20 to end the season 8 - 3 and out of contention for an SEC Championship, Richt declares the season as "real genius", suggesting a BCS bowl birth.
- Down 15-0 to Auburn in the first half, Kiffin tells the female sideline reporter, "TV exposure and a shutout is better than no exposure at all." When he asks her to accompany him back to the locker room for an interview, she informs him he isn't in LA anymore, nor is he Terry Bowden.
- With 100 yards from Moody and 350 yards in the air from Tim Tebow, Florida trounces Alabama in a rematch of last year's SEC Championship game. During the postgame press conference, Meyer cannot help but mention the storied history of Notre Dame and how unfortunate it is that Weis' team is bowl-ineligible.
Those were just a few predictions for 2009 in the SEC. Please read the gatorlonghorn disclaimer below.
At no point in time do I show any bias toward any team (Florida) or any hatred toward any new coach in the SEC (Lame Kiffin). Every coach is depicted in his greatest light and all quotes, if not discovered on obscure links on SI.com are completely fictitious. The author's alma mater (real secret) has been withheld (Go Gators) to protect the integrity of this blog.