GODZILLA VS. THE MONSTER MAGNET!
Repent now, for the end is near! The Asian titans of baseball have awakened and the world will tremble as the shock waves of Baseball Armageddon spread out from Chavez Ravine to open a tectonic gap in the San Andreas fault into which the known world will descend in a boiling cauldron of flaming hickory.
As the prophet Astrodamus predicted many centuries ago "a cowhide sphere will arise in the east to eclipse the sun and the moon on the eighth day following the Ides of March, and A-Rod and Bud Selig will be sucked, screaming, into the abyss below".
I saw it coming and, like a modern day Cassandra, my entreaties were laughed off as the deluded ravings of a lunatic manioc. Field your best players, I screamed. Do batting practice and fielding practice. Respect the Japanese as a serious adversary! But oh no! It was like Pearl Harbor all over again. The Chrysanthemum Empire struck while A-Rod was kissing himself in the mirror and the Wilpon family was in civil court trying to claw back their stolen hundreds of millions of dollars from the bloodsucking fiend Madoff.
The only other blogger who saw the end coming was Cuban president-for-eternity Fidel Castro, who wrote in the Communist paper Granma, "the yanqui imperialistas will be brought down low by the resurgent forces of Imperial Japan". Nobody took him seriously either, writing him off as a sore loser with a grudge to settle, just because we tried to assassinate him a couple of times.
Well, forget him! We got bigger fish to fly. This WBC championship game between Japan and Korea must be stopped immediately before it creates an oompapa in the earth's crust right near the secret underground dumps near the LaBrea tar pits on Wilshire Boulevard, where they store the pools of old poison gas and obsolete germ bombs, which will blow up and send California floating into the Pacific Ocean, transforming Las Vegas into beachfront real estate.
Governor Schwartznegger must act immediately to expropriate Dodger Stadium under the doctrine of eminent domain and tear it down to construct a new freeway to Pomona, or the free world will be lost to the Asiatic whordes.
These Japanese and Korean players are not human beings. They are robots created by Mitsubishi Industries, with electronic sensors to track the ball and bionic legs designed for stealing bases. The baseballs, which are manufactured in China, contain directional finders that are connected to computer chips buried deep in the center field bleachers.
They must be stopped!