Thank you for coming to today's presentation on the newly implemented Emergency Response System. If you'll please direct your attention to the front of the room, we can get started.
Let me begin by saying that while we hope to avoid an emergency situation, it is nevertheless important to be fully prepared for certain eventualities.
As many of you have no doubt noticed, there has been a recent increase in the levels of stupidity in our virtual atmosphere. Our team of scientists has determined that these levels have become dangerously high to the point where they could present a serious threat.
The parts per million (ppm) of idiocy now hovers just below a critical threshold, which our scientists have dubbed "Terminal Dumbass-edness". Should this threshold be exceeded, there is a substantial likelihood that a devastating explosion of idiocy could occur.