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Los Angeles, CA May 7, 2009 11:12 AM PST:  Manny Ramirez announced today that he may have mistakenly taken questionable substances while playing for the Red Sox - literally during games, and he may have inadvertently gotten David Ortiz involved.

Manny is waiting to hear from MLB whether it was legal to eat Snickers Bars and Twinkies between innings inside the left field scoreboard at Fenway Park.

Manny said "I always got a big high" whenever I ate a Snickers bar, and I apologize  to all my fans if it was wrong.  Manny went on to say that he never did Three Musketeers, Twix, or Milky Way bars.  According to Manny, they just seemed to be "wrong".  Manny also said that while he is not a tattletale, he once gave David Ortiz a package of twinkies during a game.  Manny said he never actually saw David eat the twinkies, but Papi had them when Manny went up to hit, and they were gone when he came back. The Red Sox have refused comment.

Manny reportedly has formally asked the Commissioner's office which candy bars have not been banned by MLB so he can begin his 2009 training.  Air Bud Selig said he would have to get back  to Manny.   Inside baseball sources have suggested that the Snickers bars controversy may be a contributing factor as to why Manny was suspended today by MLB for taking what his doctor told him to take - which, by the way, was not a steroid . When questioned about the story, Papi Ortiz took the "Fifth"   - that is a Fifth Avenue candy bar, which he quickly ate.

  NOW, on a serious note,  Manny has been tested 15 times and tested clean each and every year since 2004 when mandatory drug testing started in the major leagues.  Let me repeat, Manny was clean 2004-2008 based on MLB drug tests. Manny goes to a doctor and he takes something the Doctor ordered, and he tests for "something" banned.   This is drug testing gone amuck. Manny has been clean of steroids his entire career since 1994, and whatever he took before Spring training certainly will not alter, or diminish the greatness that is Manny.  While being tested constantly 2004-2008 Manny's numbers have never wavered. His agent and the Union wanted to challenge this suspension but Manny advised against i becaue he wanted to be with his team in the second half of the season and in the playoffs ---- this is Baseball's loss.  Manny is the most gifted player to ever swing a bat and he is a sterling example to all would be players with he work ethic and approach to the game. God Bless Manny.  And as if this were not a bunch of over kill, it turns out that the banned substance was a female hormone to assist Manny with a medical issue regarding fertility ----  gimme a break. I think MLB drug testing is a necessity, but I also think the process and the hearing protocol needs much work.  And a last thing, if you look at Manny's production, it has never waivered ----including 2004-2008 when he was constantly tested and found drug free, and during which years the Red Sox won two world series and Manny was Series MVP.  Manny made a mistake, but I do not believe for one second that he was taking anything to improve performance, except, perhaps, in the bedroom, where MLB need not go.

 Hurry back Manny; we will all miss your absence from the game.

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