The
ESPN Sports Score Ticker held a press conference today to announce that
it had signed a new deal with CNN to become their new ticker. This
follows the new last week that CNN's longtime ticker would be leaving
the business after 22 years to retire to his ranch in Texas.
For
fans of the ESPN Ticker, the announcement was bittersweet. They have
relied on the ticker for years to give them the sports news they need
while pretending to be actually listening to their wives talk about
their day.
"I've always wanted to cover serious news," said the
ESPN Ticker to his many adoring fans. "This allows me to finally live
that dream of scrolling presidential news and information about which
American car companies have gone bankrupt today. I'm very excited for
this opportunity."
His final day will be this coming Saturday,
and he promises an extra special scroll for his last broadcast. He may
go with a sans-serif font, and give some really obscure fantasy
baseball statistics for the hardcore ticker fans. He will be missed all
around the country. ESPN has yet to name a replacement.
- 10:40 AM ET 06.09
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