FanNation - The Republic of Sport

I accepted a throwdown about this very topic yesterday. It opened my eyes into how irrelevant, non-intimidating, and even lame some NBA names are. I always found a good name struck fear into the eyes of an opponent. It makes your opponent look at there schedule and say, "Damn were playing the (place intimidating name here) tomorrow", not "Were playing the Nuggets, I don't know if I wanna play on the same court as some testicles."(Joke contributed by Ruby Noon).

Anyways I've made a point system to rank each teams name:

Originality (O) - How creative and different a name is. Will get a higher rating if its unlike no other. +/-(1 -10)

Intimidation Factor (I) - How intimidating a name is. The more intimidating, the more points. +/-(1 - 10) 

Relevance (R) - If the name is related to the State or city that owns the team. Only will get negatives if its the polar opposite. (i.e. Utah Jazz) +/- (1-10)

Cool Nickname (K) - If they have a cool shortened knickname (i.e. Cavs) + (1-3)

Knowing that here it goes:

1) Warriors - O - 9,  I -10, R - 0, K - N/A = 19 ( When you see your playing the Warriors you might be a little scared you'll get into a brawl, rightfully so when Stephen Jackson's on the team)

2) Celtics - O - 8, I - 1, R - 9, K - N/A = 18 (There just something too cool about this classic name. It's a perfect fit for Boston)

3) Raptors - O -7, I - 10, R - 0, K - N/A = 17 (There's nothing cute and cuddly about a Raptor.)

4) Timberwolves - O - 4  I - 5, R- 7, K - Wolves +1 = 17 (wolves alone might be more intimidating but Timberwolves is a perfect fit, plus it allows them to have those cute little Christmas trees on the sleeves of their jerseys.)

5) Mavericks - O - 5, I - 3, R- 6, K - Mavs +2 = 16 ( Its either an unbranded cow, a wild horse, or some kind of half horse, half basketball headed freak. Whatever it is, it has something to do with a farm animal and that's the only thing they own in Dallas, right?)

6)Bulls - O - 5, I - 10, R - O, K - N/A = 15 (There only one thing scarier than a bull and that's a p*ssed off bull.)

7) Suns -  O - 5, I - 0, R - 10, K - N/A = 15 ( There is no better name for the Phoenix Suns other than the "Damn-its-really-hot-here's".)

8)Rockets - O - 6, I - 0, R - 9 K - N/A = 15 ( This is almost a better fit than the Texans.)

9)Cavaliers - O - 5, I - 5, R - O, K - Cavs +3 = 13 ( Cool knickname does it all. Pretty soon were just going to start calling them the Cavs just like the Knicks.)

10)Knickerbockers - O - 10, I - (-2), R- O, K -Knicks +3 = 11 (At first your like "Were playing a pair of f*cking trousers, then your like " Were playing a pair of f*cking trousers with a really cool nickname)

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11)Pistons - O - 3, I - 0, R - 8, K - N/A = 11 ( Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it, the Motor City or whatever. Sure its relevant but what's intimidating about a piece of an engine. If they were looking for intimidating they should have named them the High Pressure Fuel Injection Lines or the Coolant Tempature Sensing Units. I think I just p*ssed my pants in fear.)

12)Grizzles - O - (-2), I - 10, R - 0, K - Gur-iz-ullz +3 = 11 ( "Izzle kizzle, fo' schizzle My nizzle, yo fizzle kizzy wizzy izzle what you sizzle? Fo' schizzle bizzle, ha ha yo shut yo lippyizzle" - Harry Caray.)

13)Hornets - O - 6 I - 3, R -0, K - horns +1 = 10 (Hornizzle my shizzle fo, um err were not doing that anymore.... What can I saw about the Hornets.... they're h.o.r.n.y?

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14)Hawks - O - 0,  I - 9 R - 0, K -N/A = 10 (There are too many birds in every sport. Blue Jays, Cardinals, Seahawks, Falcons..... how bout a different kind of bird like the Rent T.i.t.s. or the T.i.t. Mouses or just how bout the Atlanta T.i.t.s. = ] )

15)Nets - O - 3, I - (-3), R -10, K - N/A = 10 ( Sure its relevant to the sport but it seems like they ran out of ideas. I can see the meeting "Balls, rims, shotclocks, jockstraps, nets NETS!!! WELL CALL THEM THE NETS!!)

16)Kings - O - 5, I - 2, R - 0, K - The Rulahs = 2 (They thought about changing them to the Queens and moving the franchise to San Francisco................ O COME ON THATS FUNNY)

 Im doing three a day from here on out so stay tuned sports fans.