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Everybody has their fingers crossed, hoping Chicago can get the 2016 Olympics. President Obama himself is flying over to Denmark, home of stinky cheese and fairy tales, to press our bid. In order to clinch the games, Obama has promised to include some new events which will inject a little bit of Chicago culture into the festivities. Here is a list of the proposed new competitions:

 

  1. Pizzeria Uno Deep Dish Discus Decathlon
  2. City Council Golden Gloves
  3. House of Detention Pole Vault
  4. St. Valentine's Day Massacre Target Shooting
  5. Oak Street Beach Topless Tanning Triathlon
  6. Rush Street Beer Marathon
  7. Wrigley Field Suicide Derby
  8. Rod Blagojevich Legal Hurdles
  9. Jesse Jackson Hot Air Balloon Regatta
  10. Barack Obama Bowling Tournament

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