(Aaron Torres is an accomplished journalist whose work has been published in Sports Illustrated, USA Today, and AOL.com. To read all his work, click here, or visit him at http://www.aarontorres-sports.com/.)
From the latest episode of "As the Mangini Turns," here's a real doozy out of Cleveland: On Wednesday, Browns coach Eric Mangini named Derek Anderson his starting quarterback for this weekend's game against Cincinnati.
Hmm, where have we heard this before?
Hey coach, sure you don't want to wait a few more days before making the big decision? Maybe you could have just picked a name out of a hat on the sidelines Sunday afternoon. No rush; it's not like your team is 0-3 and an impending train wreck or anything.
By the way, this must be like Christmas for Anderson. In what other organization can you complete 57 percent of your passes and throw three INTs to zero touchdowns and win a quarterback derby? Somewhere right now, Vinny Testaverde is looking on and thinking to himself, "Hmm, do I have one more comeback in me?"
I mean seriously, how great must it be to be a Browns fan right now? Last year your football team was coached by the living dead in Romeo Crennel, who has since been replaced by Mangini, a guy who'll be selling instructional VHS tapes out of the trunk of his Buick within five years.
You do need to give credit where credit is due, however, as the Man-Genius has done one thing that none of his peers in coaching can say: He's figured out a way to ostracize an entire fanbase and locker room in just three games. Hey coach, Jim Zorn is on the phone and looking for some pointers.
Mangini's reign of terror actually began this summer when the new ball coach made his rookies take a 12-hour bus ride to work one of his youth camps.
I know what you're thinking: What a great display of community service by my Man-Gini! Except coach decided he himself wasn't fit for the bus, choosing instead to take a plane. Now I know where he got the nickname Man-Genius. Way to bond with your boys, coach!
If things weren't rosy enough after that incident and an 0-2 start, Coach Eric again made headlines when he fined one of his players $1,700 for not paying for a bottle of water at the team hotel.
What's the matter coach, couldn't get an extra five-hundo out of him for swiping a Snickers bar? Maybe charge him 10 grand for a $10 spanktro-vision movie.
Yet the coach carries on. You've got to give props to Mangini for benching Brady Quinn this week, in the process completely killing the confidence in the one guy in the organization who's actually shown promise over the last few years.
While you're at it, why not just take it one step further and ruin everyone else's morale? Maybe you could casually remind running back Jamal Lewis about his drug arrest a few years back. Or ask Braylon Edwards how he was ever a top five pick.
What have you got to lose coach, a little dignity? That ship sailed a long time ago.
My only question if I was a Browns fan would be why I ever wanted this joke of a franchise to come back to Cleveland in the first place. Sundays were so much more fun without them.
I guess there are two silver linings in this whole thing. One, the No. 1 pick in next year's draft is all but a certainty at this point.
The other? Only a month or so until LeBron James and the Cavs tip off.