Professional sports are riddled with teams who use team names, logos, or mascots dealing with Native Americans.  While some don't mind, there are many who consider this offensive.  There is a long tradition of naming teams after groups of warriors who fought valiantly but ultimately lost.  The Vikings, Titans, Trojans and Spartans are prime examples; my high school team name was the Rebels, and one could make a case for any team named for pirates.  Who knows, someday hundreds of years in the future, in a society where our recent history is reduced to myth, there might be a sports team called the N@zis. 

But there is a problem with using Native Americans as a mascot/team name/logo.  They're still around.  They are a culture whose way of life was disrupted by "civilization."  Many were massacred, and they were driven from their homes to lands westward, only to be forced out again.  This is a wrong that cannot be undone, but the least we could do is respect their wishes to not be used as kitschy mascots.  I realize change will always create discord - many people fought the Bullets' name change to the non-violent Wizards.  But the change was made, and people have accepted the Wizards (though it's still a stupid name).  The same will happen if other teams decide to make a change.  So here's how I suggest the various Native American-themed teams make themselves over so as not to be offensive.

The Atlanta Braves

The least offensive, as far as team names go.  I wouldn't be offended if someone referred to me as a "Brave."  Really, all they'd have to do is get rid of the Tomahawk Chop, because I imagine it's humiliating for a Native American to see a bunch of white people making a mockery of tribal chants.  It's like an African-American watching Bill Shatner doing a cover of Run DMC.  The next step up for the Braves would be to take the tomahawk out of their logo.  "Braves" doesn't necessarily mean anything Native American-related in itself, it could be like the Oakland Athletics - you take an adjective and put an S on the end and you've got a plural noun!  (other possible team names in the same vein: the Talenteds, the Strongs, the Speedys.)  Or they could slightly modify the name if they wanted to go all-out - the Bravery or the Brave, following the non-plural-noun trend.   

Chicago Blackhawks

An easy fix.  Change it all to a military helicopter theme.  Although I have to wonder why the Native American lobbies aren't asking the government to stop naming helicopters after them.  Chinook, Apache, Black Hawk - Is there anything less appropriate than naming technological war machines after Native Americans? 

Kansas City Chiefs

Another easy fix - use a law enforcement theme.  Maybechange it to Sheriffs or Marshals - very appropriate to Kansas City.  Bring back the Old West, I say.  Except the Old West that was about fighting "the Injuns." 

Cleveland Indians

There are some people that don't understand why "Indians" is such an offensive term for Native Americans.  Simple, really.  It's not an accurate term for them, and was given to them by their aggressors based on the misconception that said aggressors were in the Indies.  There are many Native Americans who have embraced the term, but some others have just cause to find it offensive.  And of course, there's the issue of Chief Wahoo, a ridiculous caricature.  So what can the Indians do?  Well, they could keep the team name and simply change it from a Native American theme to a Hindi theme.  Maybe darken Chief Wahoo's skin, lose the feather, give him a Kurta to wear... yes, I'm kidding.  Howabout changing it completely to something embracing Cleveland's place in the history of Rock & Roll?  Maybe the Cleveland Comets after rock & roll pioneers Bill Haley & His Comets?  Sure, they're from Pennsylvania, but the term for their musical style was coined by a Clevelander.

Washington Redskins

Will there be a different take from Dan about his home team?  Hell no!  This is the most offensive of them all!  You might as well name a team the N------s!  Furthermore, here are some lyrics from the fight song: "Scalp 'em, swamp 'em, we will take 'em big score / Read 'em, weep 'em, touchdown we want heap more."  Wow.  How horribly stereotypical.  This name needs a change.  The temporary logo change to a spear with a feather was a very small move in the right direction, but really, everything about this team except the colors needs to change.  You could officially shorten the name to "The Skins," which doesn't really mean anything.  Maybe it's referring to a pigskin.  Fans could adjust to that easily.  Keep the same colors, and use a W or an S embedded in a football for the logo. 

I'd love to do some throwdowns about this if anyone disagrees with me.  I'll be honest, I'm especially interested in seeing what awful bigoted things people have to say.  I'm looking to stir some sh*t up.  So don't hold back, tell me what you think.