OK, with edition #3, it could very well be that The Cow has crossed the line and is now milking the bit. But the udder is full, so here we go, anyway.
Really, gotta unload, the udder is full.
The Big Unit's return to Arizona leaves The Cow a little cow-eyed. As a Boston bovine, The Cow will miss the Unit in the AL East, and not because he looks like a horse; because, let's be honest now that the deal is done, he's descended into quite the mediocre pitcher. From The Cow's vantage point, The Big Unit has become The Big Eunuch. At the decrepit equine age of 112, he was fool's gold for the Yanks; a putative ace, but not a real one (except for his bloated compensation). He looks to be about ready for the glue factory. The Cow is actually impressed that the Yanks got some value for him, while assuming so little of his contract. Bet they wished they had used some of that newfound money on the Dice-K bid.
"I'll be playing for the Diamond-diddly-backs, again."
Hope He Blows An O-Ring
The Cow shares the concerns of Red Sox Barnyard that the Yanks' move to send the horse in a trailer back to Arizona may portend a run at that big Texas steer, Roger Clemens. The Cow despises The Rocket. It was October 22, 2003 - "The Rocket's last game" - and The Cow was there, behind the visitors' dugout, on his hindquarters, slapping his front hooves together in grudging appreciation of the end of an all-time great career. He made The Cow cheer for him. Then he snuck out to the field late at night and tipped The Cow by coming back. Again. And again. So The Cow, retroactively, gets back on his hindquarters and yells "Boo! Boo! To the showahs, Rajah! Na-na-na-na, hey-hey, goodbye!" That feels better. Ultimately, The Cow believes that The Rocket will be just another dose of fool's gold for the Bombers. A big, 20-ounce Japanese kobe beef steak is preferable -- younger, not spoiled.
Theo Blows a Headpipe
The Rocket as a Boston closer - in the mold of John Smoltz - doesn't sound like a bad idea to The Cow, though. It sounds quite a lot better than Joel Pineiro. Joel Pineiro? La Vaca does not get this one. Yes, yes, The Cow is aware that the soft-and-straight-tossing righthander with the plummeting career arc weighed in with 20 or so decent innings in relief mopping up for a losing team. Not impressed. The Cow will jump over the moon again if this bum can get it done in the ninth. When Sox bloggers are resorting to commenting that, though he can't pitch, at least he's supposedly a good-looking cat (The Cow only has eyes for bulls), something is definitely amiss. If the Sox were going to throw a Hail Mary with the back end of the bullpen, The Cow wonders why they couldn't have kicked in another couple of mil for Eric Gagne.
Troy O'Leary Fun Fact #3
As is tradition, The Cow pays due to TO'LC's patron saint. His crowning moment in baseball was October 11, 1999, in the deciding Game 5 of the ALDS against the Indians. Troy-boy clubbed 2 dingers, a 3-run jimmy-jack and a grand salami (both of which loudly answered intentional walks to Nomar - how dare they), to lift the Sox on his formidable back and into the ALCS. Cowabunga. As crowning moments in baseball go, that one has to rank way up there. You can probably name several handfuls of Hall-of-Famers that couldn't point to a day like that on the resume.
The Cow is a well-traveled baseball bovine, having seen live ballgames in 24 stadiums. In the comments, The Cow would be interested in others sounding off with impressive ballpark travel logs. Here is The Cow's: Fenway, Shea, Yankee, The Vet, Memorial, Camden Yards, RFK, Olympic, Skydome, Pro Player, The Trop, Arlington, (old) Busch, Royals, Tiger, Comerica, Wrigley, (new) Comisky, Metrodome, Anaheim, Dodger, Bank One, Three Rivers, Oakland-Alameda.
Best Facility: Bank One
Biggest Wow: Skydome
Best Ambience: The Fens
Worst Facility: Olympic (my God, the seats)
Worst Ambience: The Trop
The Cow bids you farewell, again. Edition #3 is now posted.