Look. I love hockey. I can watch it endlessly. I love the smell of beer in the air. I love the flow of the game, constant and smooth. I enjoy watching the joy on people's faces when their team scores a goal, even if their team is losing 6-1. But what I don't love, certainly controls all that is good about Chicago hockey (at least in the majors). Bill Wurtz. i hate you. Apparently he lives in my parents neck of the woods. That frightens me. A nice neighborhood of friendly people. Then there is this piece of poop. Literally that. Poop. He's ridiculously rich, yet he's reduced the beloved Blackhawks of Chicago to rubble. Why? You may have heard his explanation, or some educated columnists opinion. But I'm here to provide the truth. La Verdad as a colleague might suggest. I bring it straight from the source: Bill Wirtz's greedy grubby hands. It all started in his backyard. He was playing in his own sandpit. He was the type that ate his own sand, sold the rest to poor South Siders, then asked his parents for more sand. He had no friends and he was found retarded by 4 state psychiatrists. But one day when he was 6, he was playing in the sand in the winter when he remembered the frozen pond across the street, on the other side of the massive brick wall surrounding his parents property. He decided to walk over there one day with his trusted paperclip, Clippy. When he got over there, he promptly fell in. Clippy slipped out of his grubby hands and sank 5 ft to the bottom of the pond (it was a flooded park). Bill was traumatized. Not only did he almost drown but the pond took his trusty paperclip. Revenge was deemed necessary by this sociopath. Revenge indeed. So for the next 30 years, he orchestrated robbing his parents, taking it and investing it in many terrible endeavors like child pornography and arms dealing in the Middle East. By the time he was 40, he had enough to finally get back at that devious pond. So he decided to buy the only thing that his neighbors loved more, their hockey team. They had plenty of success, plenty of all-stars and hall of famers. When Bill took over, he immediately removed home hockey games from TV. He increased ticket prices to the extremely expensive prices at Chicago Stadium/United Center! The Chicago Blackhawks soon thereafter suffered defeat and have become the laughing stock of the Chicago sports scene! I write this to possibly educate one person. One person who already knows how great hockey is, how much fun it is, and if it weren't for the raging a-hole Wirtz, we'd all be happier being able to experience Blackhawk hockey once again in its prime. One day we will experience it. One day -The Righteous One


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