Several days ago, our friend Lilwound tried his seasoned bloghand on a little poetry ("Inconsistent Ramblings" indeed). The noble attempt met mostly with a sitewide paralysis of middling view statistics, confused commentary, and a fair amount of self-reproach. Only here was the "outside the batter's box" effort applauded. And now, we the editors at TO'LC get Lilwound's back.
Hold on. Don't click away so fast. Give it a chance. We've selected as our subject (wait for it) ... The Boston Red Sox. "All literary men are Red Sox fans," John Cheever once (semi-) famously said. TO'LC can only conclude that "all" means poets, too.
The format we have chosen for this experiment is the limerick. Perhaps this is because the most famous protagonist in limerick history is that naughty "man from Nantucket," who, based on geography alone, was obviously a Red Sox fan. Or maybe it's just because "limerick" kinda sounds like "Camerik." You decide. Here goes.============================= Hope springs inside Red Sox NationQuite strong looks the starting rotationBut no closer's toutedThe bullpen's as crowdedAs post-game outside Kenmore Station. ============================= Mighty Casey, the loser, struck outAll Mudville could do was just poutBut Beantown was happy‘Cause they had Big PapiCome clutch-time they'd shout then he'd clout.============================= For children most hire a nannyBut in Fenway things are quite uncannyThe little boy criesSox brass then adviseWe just must let Manny be Manny.============================= Josh Beckett was one stubborn misterDeclared, "I just won't pop a blister."Threw only his gasThe Yanks waxed his assEven called out his girlfriend and dissed her.============================== Rice, Pedro, Fisk, Doerr, MirabelliYaz, Williams, Pesky, PetrocelliLowell, Schilling, DiNardoHipolito PichardoCarl Beane, Mooney, Rowe, Ballgirl Kelly. ==============================His gut was a big ball of Play-dohChaw jutting big like a tomatoEl Tiante would pitchHis glove he would twitchThen twist himself like a tornado.==============================And, you knew it was coming ...The Curse of Bambino still paysIts author in so many waysEven made it to cableBut for a better Sox fablePlease go buy The Curse of Carl Mays.==============================
The off-season is really endless, isn't it? Crikey, how much longer until pitchers and catchers ...
UPDATE: The "Man from Nantucket" has been lighting up the switchboard at TO'LC, so to avoid legal troubles, the editorial board has chosen to appease him:There once was a man from NantucketHis role model was Kirby PuckettLike a goalie in hockeyHe was short and stockyAnd hit with his foot in the bucket.================================UPDATE II: There is a website devoted to Red Sox haiku, here. Haiku blows chunks compared to the limerick, but we're all kindred spirits nonetheless.