Look. I get it. Everyone is entitled to whatever they want to think. And honestly, I want it that way. But goshdarntit, this whole Barbaro, NASCAR, poker thing is getting WAY out of hand. To start, here is the definition of the word "athlete" from Wikipedia.
"An athlete is a person who has above average physical skills (strength, agility, and endurance) and is thus suitable for physical activities, in particular, contests. An ancient Greek word for "contest" was athlos, and those competing in the games were called athletes." Not necessarily Webster's dictionary but it'll do pig. it'll do. Don't worry. I'll get back to that very definition in one second.
I turn on the radio and people are yapping about Barbaro. People are crying, sending emails, giving heartfelt emotions to the euthanization of a horse. Yes, a HORSE. Think about the past 2 sentences that I just scribbled. Good. I bet you did think about it. Are you at all appalled by the idea? Wait, maybe you don't quite get it. Let me reiterate 2 words, "SENDING EMAILS". Apparently, this dead horse moved so many people that they were inspired to do something more idiotic than anything I could have thought about. Now people (those same very idiots) start saying how great of an athlete Barbaro was, how he lived life like all of us should. How he never complained, went to work every day, etc. (Trust me, I can't make up something THIS legally retarded). Now, how on earth, can anyone actually call the HORSE, or any horse for that matter, an athlete. ITS A HORSE! In the very definition, it states "A PERSON"!!! (by the way, you can mull over the whole AGILITY matter later)
"Sport is an activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively. Used by itself, sports commonly refer to activities where the physical capabilities of the competitor are the sole or primary determiner of the outcome (winning or losing), but the term is also used to include activities such as mind sports and motor sports where mental acuity or equipment quality are major factors. All sports have a winning player or team and a losing player or team. If there is no loser or winner its not a sport." (again, Wikipedia.org)
Look, by definition, NASCAR could be interpreted as a Sport. But I could also argue that a Spork should be a utensil used at the dining room table at dinner. BUT ITS NOT!!! NASCAR is just the materialized form of the Bible Belt using cars to bore themselves to death. Not only that, NASCAR has oil money being pumped into it and millions of people are fascinated by staring at a oval. Its revolting. I know, I know, then why is Golf, or Tennis, or POKER considered sports? A disturbing trend is overall coming to fruition.
People in the next 100 years will begin inventing their own SPORTS and they will all be even more ludicrous. You see, Poker was the last straw. I'm a big fan of the game. I really am. But excuse me, explain to me how anyone can realistically believe its a sport? Don't give me the "well just look at the definition!". C'mon, people! Work with me!!! The very core of what we all live for, dream for, aspire to be (excluding that Georgia peach incident involving Dominique Wilkens and four rabid hamsters, they were really mean) is at stake. We love sports. As a result of this faithful obsession we all have (i guess thats the best I can call it), we have a civic DUTY to report, and eliminate all worthless games, races and events that are mistakenly named as Sports. Its like your freedom of speech, freedom of religion (ok I'd take that away and enforce fundamentalist Taoism, but who's counting?), and freedom of assembly. This is a sports writing blog. Actually its THE SPORTS WRITING BLOG for ANYONE! My point is I'm requesting help. I want help just for one thing. If you see any mention of Poker, Nascar or the evil specimen now known as GLUE, please report it to your nearest administrator. They can't view everything and they need your help.
It's mankind that we're protecting. That, and Monday Night Football.
-The Demonstrative Delusional Devout Doubter.