Well Spring Training has begun and the big hype this year seems to focus on Barry Bonds and the Hank Aaron chase. Barring a miracle and Barry Bonds somehow has a career ending injury ( I know that's wrong of me to state), he most likely will break the Hank's record sometime later this season. This is a bad situation for baseball. Barry Bonds is about to taint the game even more then he already has. Well I don't want to see that happen, so I am hoping what I am about to write somehow gets back to Barry, and he somehow realizes what he is really about to do. What the magnifications are about to be. I am writing this for all the fans who love the game of baseball and want to see the steroids era come to an end.
Dear Mr. Bonds,
Mr. Bonds we are writing you on behalf of everyone who respects baseball in the purest form. Mr. Bonds what you are about to do is not good for baseball. There is way too much speculation about what you might have done over the past 8 seasons. And when we say what you may have done, we're not referring to what you have done on the field. We think you know what we are referring to. Everything you have done on the field since 1998, although very awesome, hasn't really been good. Some of your actions have tainted the game that we love. If you go on later this year to break Aaron's record, that's REALLY going to be bad for baseball. We have a solid solution for you to save face though.
Mr. Bonds your contract is for roughly $15 million this season. That's great for someone who is in their early 40's. Our solution starts like this. MLB will take over the contract the Giants offered to pay you. Each fan will pay a 5 cent Barry Bonds tax on every baseball ticket sold over the next 2 seasons to help pay it. All you have to do is go away. No need to play an inning this season. When I say go away, I mean as far away as possible. You hate the media, they made you in to the person we see now, well you don't have to deal with them for another minute. Just go away. Don't break Hank's record. Don't play another game. Just ride off in to the sunset and enjoy the fact that you held MLB hostage. We will pay you $20 million in one lump sum, tax free (President Bush pardoned the taxes for us) and all you have to do is just enjoy your retirement.
You may be asking what will you do with your time. How will Barry Bonds enjoy retirement? Well you have many options. Look what you have done. You could definetly write a book. It worked for Jose. If your body doesn't crumble down, there are many softball teams looking for a decent big bat. They don't drug test in most softball leagues yet either (added bonus). If you don't like playing sports anymore, you could always be on VH1's surreal life. They are ALWAYS looking for big names. That could always turn in to your own series, look what it has done for Flavor Flave! We know your first reality show didn't work out real well, but we think once people see the real you, they'll watch. Maybe you and Hulk Hogan could do something together, maybe even headline Wrestlemania 25 together. You also will have so much time, maybe you can go through another marriage. You know what everyone says, third times a charm.
We know what you must be thinking, what about the Hall of Fame? Well if the baseball writers ever decide to vote you in (this is really up in the air right now, the polls aren't real good) we'll let you know. If you by some act of God do get voted in, we can let you make your acceptance without even traveling to Cooperstown. We'll do it like if you were unable to attend. We can make it real short, and you can just thank yourself and yourself, and oh yea yourself. But like we mentioned earlier, the polls aren't looking real good right now, and if they do ever let you in the hall, the chances are some of your previous habits will probably catch up with you and you may not be living at that time.
Mr. Bonds we realize your reputation isn't great. The fans and the media may be somewhat to blame for that. This is your one and only chance to save that reputation. We know we are asking a lot, but much like Darth Vader who had some good in him, we would like to believe that you have a little bit of good in you as well. Take the money that is tax free and just walk away from the game. If not for the fans, do it for your late father and your godfather, Willie Mays. Do it for your children. (then someday you can tell them what you really did for the game) Most of all, just do it for the game of baseball. You've heard of what the Blacksox did to the game of baseball, right? Don't make your name synonomous with the Blacksox.
Thank you for your time Mr. Bonds. You have spent as little as possible with fans in your career, so we really appreciate it!
All The Pure Baseball Fans
P.S. We weren't supposed to mention this, but President Bush offered to pardon you of any wrongdoing during your entire career and Comissioner Bud Selig offered to resign if you accept this offer.