The Drunken Ramblings of a Penguin

That’s right true believers, you messiah is back!  Sorry for the absence, I’ve been on a 3 month bender…hey, when someone dares you to drink your weight in Vodka every day for 3 months, you don’t ask questions, you just take the bet.  And now I’m the proud owner of a ’91 Chevy Impala…with only minor body damage!  And I can sort of remember what happened the last few months…or, to be more exact, I have moments of clarity…okay, I can’t lie anymore…I can’t remember a thing…I need your help…

Did my $2k on the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl pan out?  You’re my Boy Romo!!!  You’re my boy!!

Even if that didn’t work out, there’s always next year, and anytime you have Parcells at the helm, the Super Bowl is within your grasp.

I can only imagine that it was a glorious Super Bowl, what with the Chargers amazing talent, and the Boys superior coaching…just a great game to be seen by all.  Man, I love football…wish I could remember any of it…I remember a bunch of people getting all excited at the beginning…and then I didn’t hear another peep out of them the rest of the game…must have been Chargers fans.

What I really learned during my consumption of more Vodka then the Penguin body should hold…that drinking till your almost dead has a nirvana like effect on your being.  Through my regular brushes with Alcohol poisoning, I am finally at one with my being and with all those around me.  Why just the other day I had the longest, most fascinating converstion with my mailbox…the things that guy has seen…if he could talk, you’d be amazed at the things he would tell you.  I’ve realized our time here is short, that we should make the most of our time here…then I down another fifth, and came to my senses…

What I did discover, I have a perfect vision of the future…it’s crystal clear….20/20 vision if you will…seeing how I have no clue what month this is…I’m going to boldly make my 2007 predictions!

NCAA Basketball Champ – Duke Blue Devils…they’ll go in ranked #1, and leave the same way.

NBA Champ – Miami…in a repeat, D-Wade leads them to the promise land again!

NHL Champ – Who cares…the only thing that Ice should be used for is sliding on your belly, and swimming under.

Masters – My Boy, John Daly!

World Series – Florida Marlins…it’s been a few years, they’re due.

Well, I need to purge my system of Vodka…I hear a bottle of Tangeray calling my name…I must run…but I’ll leave you with one final thought…

If your car won’t start, no matter how much gas you give it or how hard you twist the key…and it seems to be fighting you every step of the way, and you hurt all over from your futile attempts to start the darn thing…step away from the bouncer, take another swig of your drink, and hail a cab…or just pass out right there…after the bouncer finishes stomping your face, he’ll make sure you get home.


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