Pacman Jones Finds New Way to Stay Busy

After a few weeks of wrestling, and then becoming a rapper, Adam "Pacman" Jones has announced he will be doing figure skating for the remainder of his season long suspension from the NFL.

Jones, who had been suspended by commisioner Roger Goodell earlier this season for multiple assaults, said on and interview on ESPN, "I think this can really keep me in shape during the season, and improve my balance and agility. Nobody really knew that I once skated in an ice rink when I was seven and trucked over two people and had them permanently paralyzed, but now I can finally show my true talent."

"I plan to start practicing and getting back into my old form, and then I want to try out for Knoxville Figure Skating Club. From there, I hope to make it to the U.S. Figure Skating Championships," continued a very excited Jones.

Nikki Copeland, the Director of Figure Skating at the KFSC is very enthusiastic about picking up Jones as well. "He'll be a huge boost for our team. He just seems to have that intangible of a born leader in himself. I see him being one of the hugest skaters of the year."

Commisioner Goodell also seemed to think this was a good idea. "Adam has been really trying to improve his public image after the suspension, and I think this will get him back on track in no time. But I do really hope he refrains from getting a SUI(Skating Under the Influence), since that would really send his image down the drain."

His team mate Vince Young, who has always been jealous of others, was the same here. "The only reason Adam is getting this chance is since he went out to a strip club and shot some people. It's not that I don't do that, I just don't get caught! It's no fair everyone congratulates him for getting this opportunity, when he was PLAIN LUCKY to have gotten caught!"

Jones responded with a new, soft sided self that people had never seen before. "If Vince and I have problems, let us handle it one on one. It's just not right to call him back out when he's the QB, the leader. We can settle or differences AT THE CLUB, IT'S GOIN' DOWN!"

It seems that Jones still has strong memories of his rapping days, but it also seems as if Jones has found his calling in figure skating, and may finally be the player that everyone has been hoping for.

 

BY THE WAY, IF YOU TOOK THIS SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE REALLY MESSED UP!!!!!!

Did you like it or was it bad? I love constructive criticism or advice.

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I didnt really get a kick out of this.

But thats just me.

Everybody says my posts are "ok" or "not really satire".

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LOL. Nice one.

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MEET ME AT THE CLUB, IT'S (pronounced izz) GOIN' DOWN!

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Yeah sorry, I'm used to good grammar, gotta get outta the habit lol.

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... snicker snicker snicker twix snicker

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viva nancy kerrigan

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That was pretty funny. I wasn't sure if it was true or not until the SUI part. LOL

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I would believe it, if Dion can dance...

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Somewhat humorous.

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It's alright. Not great, but then again satire isn't easy to write, especially on your first try.

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That was pretty funny.

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pretty good

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