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Bam!

| 01:01 PM ET  01.10 | The first episode of the I Can't Believe It's Not Butter saga begins as the camera focuses on a poor farm boy named Ooh, son of Aah, of the planet Ug in the Xagawaga galaxy. Ooh went through his life thinking he was worthless. He didn't understand why not to press the red button, how to tie his shoes, or play with that thing with the bouncy ball tied to a wood paddle. And worst of all, the other children would not let him join in any reindeer games. But then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Santa was friends with Ooh's father, Aah, and they frequently ate lunch together. Santa offered Ooh a piece of toast with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and Ooh ate it. Ooh quickly spit it out and exclaimed, "This is not butter!" Santa was outraged, "I can't believe it! Of course this is butter!" Ooh responded, "I refuse to believe this is butter." Santa: "How is this not butter? I can't believe this is not butter." Ooh: "I can't believe that you can't believe that this is not butter." Santa: "The container says, 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.' Since I believe everything people tell me, I can't believe that this is not butter." Ooh: "I can't believe that you can't believe that this is not butter. If this were butter, than what is butter? There is a strong difference in taste between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. I can't believe that you actually believe this is butter. I found something yesterday in my fridge that tasted more like butter than I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, but less like butter than butter. However, I was aware that it was not butter, because it didn't taste as much like butter as butter. The mystery substance was a very good butter mockery. But then, I thought that the mock butter may, indeed, be butter. But upon further investigation, I realized that although the mock butter tasted like butter, it was not butter, because butter tasted slightly more like butter than the mock butter, which, by the way tasted more like butter than I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Even though the mock butter tasted like butter, it was not a purposeful butter imitation, like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is a bitter butter knock-off and tastes less like butter than butter and the mock butter, although it had a slight buttery aroma. Despite the similarities between the mock butter and the butter impersonation, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, butter tastes more like butter than mock butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, which are both not butter." And as Ooh finished his last sentence, he finally realized that he was good for something. He had a talent. He could tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. As news of such an accomplishment circulated around planet Ug and the Xagawaga galaxy, Darth Vader was busy somewhere else painting his toenails. When he finished painting his toenails, one of his advisors told him that a child, Ooh, could tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Vader new that this was a sign of the force and that no one can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter without using the force. Vader knew that the only way for himself and his men to get rid of their massive body odor was to use the most originally named force known to man - The Force. And use a lot of it. And the only way to harness such large quantities of The Force was to capture the boy who could tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. [End Credits] [Dramatic orchestral theme song] [dancing cucumbers to the stage now] [Swedish Chef follows the dancing cucumbers, Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork]