It was inevitable. This year's White Sox team is clearly mailing it in, and you knew Ozzie was going to erupt at some point. So for entertainment's sake (not that his rants aren't entertaining enough), let's read between the lines from his most recent meltdown.
What he said: "The offense threw dirt on the grave,"
What he meant: A lineup including Neifi Perez, myself and Bob Uecker could score more runs than these guys. My career here is over if I have to keep writing lineup cards that include Juan Uribe, Andy Gonzalez and Danny Richar.
What he said: "Well, they're killing me. They're killing my family. They're killing my coaching staff, killing the White Sox fans. They kill the owner. They kill everyone. I hope they feel the same way we feel."
What he meant: 80's reference. They're so bad, they're funny. They kill us. Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing after Richar struck out in the 9th.
What he said: "You don't see this today. You've seen this since April. I keep giving people a chance to succeed, a pat on the back. I wish I played for a manager like that. I swear to God I wish I could have played for a (expletive) manager like that. Every time you fail and keep putting guys out there who fail day in and day out, that's easy to play."
What he meant: These guys have sucked all year. I try going out getting drunk with them. I tried Mark Grace's idea and picked up some slump busters with them. I wish my managers had offered to pay the bar bill. Yet these guys still mail it in. What does it take? A trip to Tijuana?
What he said: "A $100 million payroll and those guys don't show how much they make in the field. Well, Kenny [Williams], I don't say what he has to do, but we play like this and spend all that money on the club like that, I will shut the payroll and go with Double-A kids if we have to, because it's not easy. I know those guys go out there and they care about it."
What he meant: I can't believe we wasted 100 million dollars on these guys. I know a guy at Ed Debevec's that could play SS and hit better than Uribe. Kenny needs to dump all these old, slow, half-crippled K machines he's given me and give me a few guys that can play a position for more than 2 innings without coming up lame.
What he said: "If it's my fault, I should be moving out of here then. If it's my fault, (expletive) fire my (expletive) and I'll be fine. I have the job to do and I get paid a lot of (expletive) money to make this club work, but it's not easy to work with people like that. It's not easy."
What he meant: Are you kidding me? Scott Podsednik and Darin Erstad on the same team? This mess is not my fault. I'm not getting fired for this. You write a lineup card that works with these offensive juggernauts.
So there you have it. Further inside the mind of Ozzie Guillen than you ever wanted to be.