With the new format in place here at FanNation, it seemed like an opportune time to clean out the 'ol attic and bang out the collection of silly baseball thoughts that have been accumulating since the shutdown. Here goes.
The Yankees may be down after this past weekend's Fenway sweep, but you can be sure they'll make adjustments. After all, they do have the Cairo-Proctor duo.
Josh Hamilton. What do you call a sweet-swinging ballplayer of immense talent who is also covered in body art? The Tatural.1
Elijah Dukes. The Devil Rays have an outfielder named "Elijah" who homered in Yankee Stadium on his first major league at bat ... during Passover? Call him, "The Prophet."2
If he would have avoided arrest during the Spring and not made the roster, it would have been sufficient. Dayenu3
If he would have made the roster and not been in the Opening Day line-up, it would have been sufficient. Dayenu
If he would have been in the Opening Day line-up and not gotten a hit, it would have been sufficient. Dayenu
If he had gotten a simple Texas League bloop single, and not hit a titanic blast, it would have been sufficient. Dayenu ...
An April no one would've thunk,
Has Yanks fans so giddy they're drunk,
But soon they'll be sober
When in comes October
And A-Rod's a purse-clutching punk
In my fantasy league draft, during the two-round minor league portion, still basking in the afterglow of having presciently nabbed Dice-K last year, I again looked to the East and selected the Next-Big-Japanese-Thing. He's an outfielder, and his name is Kosuke Fukudome. Rumors that I selected him just so I can loudly mispronounce his name (it's pronounced with an "oo" not, well, you know) are greatly exaggerated. By the way, I even added a little flair of my own, pronouncing the last four letters as the two words they form.
The Brigham Ice Cre-m company of Arlington, Mass is honoring Boston's latest prodigy with an ice cre-m flavor called "Dice Kream." This is what occurred to me when I read today that the Cubs had called up a pitcher named "Rocky Cherry." Rocky Cherry? For any intrepid ice cre-m entrepreneurs in the Windy City, as your lawyer, allow me to advise you that naming a flavor "Rocky Cherry" might get you sued by both Baskin Robbins and Ben & Jerry's.
[I briefly considered going a different direction with this - that Rocky Cherry now joins the elite pantheon of MLB players, which includes Richie Sexson, J.J. Putz, Jimmy Gobble, and Boof Bonser, players that can transition directly into porno movie acting without having to change their names. I'm sure we're all grateful I refrained from going in this direction.]
[By the way, the funniest thing in this post is that this horrific blog program allows me to write "porno movie," but prevents me from typing out the name of a delicious and popular frozen dessert]
I drafted Jeff Weaver on my fantasy team. There's absolutely nothing funny about that.
1 h/t to FanNation citizen Andy Spark
2 Wikipedia: Elijah was a prophet in Israel in the 9th century BCE. He appears in the Hebrew Bible, Talmud, Mishnah, Christian Bible, and the Qur'an. According to the Books of Kings, Elijah raised the dead, brought fire down from heaven, and ascended into heaven on a whirlwind. Based on a prophecy in Malachi, many jewish people still await his return as precursor to the coming of the Messiah. To this day, in some aspects of Judaism, there is a tradition of leaving an empty chair and a full goblet of wine at the Passover feast table to serve as a reminder of his promised return. At one point during the feast, participants may open a door in hopes that he will appear as a guest.
3 Wikipedia: Dayenu is a song that is part of the Jewish holiday of Passover. The word "Dayenu" means approximately, "it would have been enough for us" or "it would have sufficed." This traditional up-beat Passover song is over one thousand years old. The song is about being grateful to God for all of the gifts he gave the Jewish people, such as taking them out of slavery, giving them the Torah and Shabbat, and had God only given one of the gifts, it would have still been enough. This is to show much greater appreciation for all of them as a whole. The song appears in the haggadah after the telling of the story of the exodus and just before the explanation of Passover, matzah and the maror.