2010 NFL DRAFT

TOP OFFENSIVE PLAYERS

Quarterbacks

Sam Bradford, Oklahoma.  Sam I am. I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam I am. I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like interceptions or fumbles. I do not like them Sam I Am. Say! I like TD's and FG's! I do! I like them, Sam-I-am! Will he become a Ram or a Skin, no matter who gets him, they'll sure to win!

Jimmy Clausen, Notre Dame. Just like the zany Claussen Pelican cartoon character that pimps pickles on TV, Jimmy is fresh, delicious, crunchy and zesty! Some team will relish having him on their team!

Dan LeFevor, Central Michigan. Remember the 80's commercial for Pringles? "I've got the fever for the flavor of LeFevor CRUNCH!!"  The scouting report says, "Dan is from a small school, but is packed with taste and crunch!"

Running Backs

C.J. Spiller, Clemson. Remember when your mother told you not to worry about spilled milk? But what if the milk runs faster than you can catch it? Well, you better get big mop if C.J. shows up on the opposing sideline!

Jahvid Best, California. At 5'10" 195 pounds, Jahvid is one of the smaller backs, but after running a Combine best 4.35 seconds in the 40 yard dash, one scout declared, "This Cal Bear is Golden!" How do you pronounce his name? It's Jahvid, rhymes with David... as in David and Goliath. Grab him while you can, ???cause next season, he will slay "the giant" (beat a team) all by himself.

Ryan Mathews, Fresno State. Some scouts have compared Ryan Mathews to Dave Matthews. At 5'11" 218 lbs, Ryan can surely Crash the defensive line, but I prefer to compare him to MSNBC's Chris Matthews, who surely plays Hardball!

Wide Receivers

Golden Tate, Notre Dame. Nicknamed "Dome" by his teammates. Tate, born in Tennessee was destined to be a part of the Irish when his parents Silver and Hesi Tate named him Golden. A solid gold performer for Notre Dame, his amazing ability will not be tarnished at the next level.

Dez Bryant, Oklahoma State.  Not to be confused with PEZ, Dez is hard, sweet and delivers when you nod his head.  

Demaryius Thomas, Georgia Tech. Demaryius a receiver by day, and a minister by night, he sure knows how to bring people together.

   I Demaryius Thomas, take you, NFL quarterback to be my contractual partner, my constant friend, my faithful passer and my paycheck from this day forward.

 In the presence of our GM and coach, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful receiver in cold, heat, rain and snow.

 I promise to never have alligator arms when going over the middle. I promise to support and honor your bad throws and interceptions, as well as your td passes for as long as our contracts are honored. -Amen.

Tight Ends

Dennis Pitta, Brigham Young. One scout said, "Dennis is balanced, sure handed and catches everything near him.I call him the "Pitta Pocket!"

Aaron Hernandez, Florida. Not to be confused with 16^th century explorer, Juan Jos?? P??rez Hern??ndez who discovered what is now British Columbia, Aaron is certainly knows his way to the end zone.

Jermaine Gresham, Oklahoma. Before becoming an All-American tight end, Grisham, err Gresham has authored over eighteen legal novels, selling over 250 million copies! Some of his more famous work:

A Time to Kill the Quarterback

The Team

The Pre-Game Brief

The Coach

The Runaway Defensive Back

The Lockeroom

Copyright 2010 Steve Kay