FanNation - The Republic of Sport

What happened this weekend, in a rather large nutshell:

From sundown on Friday till sundown on Saturday, Jews around the world fasted to observe the holiday of Yom Kippur.  That anorexic wrinkled sk*nk Madonna also refrained from eating, though that is not necessarily unique to any one special day of the year.

Good things that happened this weekend included the beloved Georgia Bulldogs defeating that smug d0uche bag Nick Saban and the hicks from Alabama in probably the best college football game of the week.  I'm not sold on Stafford just yet, as it seems that despite his best efforts to throw the game away, the Dawgs managed to steal the OT victory from the Tide. 

Andre Woodson is a total stud.  For as long as I was at UGA and he was starting at Kentucky, I thought he was easily the best quarterback in the SEC, even better than Jay Cutler.  Look for this kid to win the first legitimate Heisman in years (and by legitimate, I mean "not handed to whoever happens to be quarterbacking USC right now because we're just too damn lazy to bother to find somebody else, just like we're too damn lazy to hold a playoff."

On that note, what is the deal with college football fans thinking that an undefeated team through 12 college games is some kind of accomplishment when compared to running through the playoffs and winning the Super Bowl?  Yes, it is d*mn hard to go undefeated.  So hard, in fact, that you cannot do it realistically in the NFL.  Because they're better.  Also, college football is plagued by boxing syndrome: the NCAA does not recognize any one champion.  The AP does, the BCS does, and the Coaches all recognize champions.  Usually it is the same school.  But this results in, oh, I don't know, Auburn not going to the National Championship where they would have killed USC, and also Oklahoma managing to get the call twice in a row when they clearly did not deserve it.  I mean, would anyone tell me that Florida should not have been in that game?  They murdered OSU.  There's that undefeated team.  I think maybe we should allow more one and two-loss teams to compete.  I wonder how many times the perfect team would win the college playoff.  Judging from how many times the team with the best record in the NFL gets knocked out of the playoffs, probably not that often. 

Speaking of Auburn, Brandon "Ha-ha your last name is" Cox really is not getting the job done right now.  Unfortunately, the Tigers lost their backup QB recently, so they're stuck for now.  Can't wait till the Bulldogs play Auburn.

Two other good things were Milla Jovavich and Ali Larter in "Resident Evil: Extinction."  I still have no clue what this movie had to do with Resident Evil the game other than zombies and Umbrella, but I really, really, don't care.  I saw this movie on Saturday and I could not begin to tell you what the plot was, except that Jovavich and Larter both start the film with a certain amount of clothes on, and end it with considerably less. 

Bad things that happened this weekend included the rest of "Resident Evil: Extinction," which included me having to explain to a girlfriend of mine why guys differentiate between girls who are just "hot" and girls who are not only hot, but sexy as well.  By sexy, I mean on first look, you know that she's great in bed.  Example:  Milla Jovavich and Ali Larter.  Ali Larter is hot.  Milla Jovavich looks like sex with her is a religious experience.  A terrifying religious experience. 

Another example:  If Tony Romo came up to me and said, "Dude, Carrie is so nasty in bed, you have no idea!  She does this one thing, drives me crazy.  And kinky!  She makes kinky look conservative," I would, after having to go to the hospital due to suffocating stomach cramps brought on by uncontrollable laughter, tell him he's full of sh1t.  Carrie Underwood seems like a wholesome, pretty, blonde, southern girl.  She's good looking.  Not sexy.  Bridget Fonda?  Sexy.

The Redskins had the G-Men backed into a corner, and let them get away and win the game.  The Redskins defense forced three turnovers, while the offense failed to move the ball until the last 3 minutes of the game.  The Skins came agonizingly close to forcing overtime, in fact they were one yard away from the tying touchdown, but Al Saunders called three stupendously stupid plays on 2nd, 3rd, and 4th down to lost the game from the freakin' one yard line.  Mike Sellers, who two years ago was very reliable in goal line screens, had dropped the same pass earlier in the same situation and they still ran the play to him.  I love Mike Sellers, and usually I extol his skills as a pass catcher, but yesterday they were not there.  Surprise, surprise, he dropped the ball.  Then Ladell Betts failed to get in twice in a row.  On 4th down, Saunders made no attempt to hide what he was doing, and the Giants D came up with a huge stop.

There are several things for Giants and Redskins fans to think about after this one.  The first is both groups have, or still have, legitimate cause to worry.  For the G-Men, it's that even in a win, which was an extremely close win, it was not all that impressive.  Usually, rattling off 21 straight is impressive, but not when Eli throws those horrible picks, and not with less than two minute to go, up by one touchdown, the defense gets crushed by Moss and Randle El.  Even though the G-Men held at the one, you must say that if the Eagles or Cowboys, or even the Redskins during round two, are in the same situation, and the chance of holding them to nothing is horribly slim.  Goal line defense is incredibly difficult.  In fact, when goal line D holds, it is often an indication of the other team as much as it is of the defense itself.  This brings us to Al Saunders.

Saunders has a 750-play playbook.  Alright then, open it up and find the page marked "draws."  Then find the play called "QB draw," or if you don't like that, go to "bootlegs" and find "QB bootleg."   Either way, you have a 6 foot 5, 235 pound quarterback in Jason Campbell; use him in that situation.  Let him try to stretch his body for that one yard as opposed to Betts, who on third was stopped in front of the goal line.

The other option for the Redskins ignored by the Redskins causes me actual physical pain to think about.  Al, there's this little guy who, with the final thirty seconds ticking away, with only three downs left to get in the end zone, was sitting on the sidelines.  Maybe you bought into the BS written and said about him this past year; how, at 26, he's over the hill.  How he never produced up to his hype after he left Denver.  How he's "overrated."

Clinton Portis is anything but overrated.  I used to think he was until I actually thought about.  The guy is the Redskins single season rushing leader, which, as much as people want to dismiss that, matters.  It isn't Riggins, it isn't Byner, it's not Brown; it's Portis.  His worst season was last year, when he missed most of the season.  Until he went out for good, he was doing great.  Portis possesses a few talents that stand out in him among elite backs.  Portis is probably the best blocking starting running back in the league.  I find that to be very important.  Considering his size, it is downright amazing how well he can block, as well as tackle. 

Portis also has an uncanny nose for the end zone.  While he has not cracked 100 yards this season, when in the red zone, Portis simply gets the job done.  Why Saunders did not put in Portis, who has a knack for scoring and for pounding out yardage, is beyond me. 

San Diego fans should be worried right now.  Despite Rivers' great numbers, the team had 8 penalties for 70 yards and also Rivers did throw a crucial interception.  The Chargers o-line let KGB notch two sacks, and Favre threw for also had a great day, with 369 yards and 3 tds (Rivers had 306 yards and 3 tds, 1 pick).  But on top of all that,  LT carried the ball 22 times for only 62 yards.  That's terrible.  That's beyond terrible for LT.  Right now, the Chargers should be terrified of the Raiders, who have a great run D and had the best pass D last year.  We're just may find out in the Chargers-Raiders meeting how good that pass D really is if the Chargers actually have to pass against them.  The Broncos also should be licking their lips at the idea of facing LT.  If the Pack can let up 24 and still beat the Bolts, then the Bolts have problems. 

President Bush vowed to veto any plan to extend the funding of the State Children's Health Insurance Program, which means over 6 million kids could lose insurance.  I don't see how this falls under conservative/liberal, or even psycho neocon/p*ssy-b1tch hippie, but apparently after spending all our money building half a wall along the border of Mexico and stabilizing the Anbar province of Iraq, we need to watch our spending, according to George "I spend more than most liberal presidents put together" Bush.  I do not like to be political, mainly because I think that people on both sides are unfair to each other, but this just seems mean.  He had all the time in the world to waste our money on a bunch of garbage, and now he wants to "watch spending" when the health of poor children is concerned?  Of course, this is the guy who supposedly loves our troops, but only when they're fighting.  When they need money and medical care, he's nowhere to be found.  Because of this guy's so called brilliant foreign policy, our enemies have been made stronger.  Hey, I just used the classic Rove line!  Accuse the opposition of hating America and being in league with the terrorists by having a different opinion!  Man that does feel good.  Kind of like a drug.  Only in this case, it could possibly prove to be true, in a way.

Mark my words:  Soon, very soon, either Saudi Arabia or Pakistan will fall to Al Qaeda.  Most likely Pakistan followed by Saudi Arabia.  When Musharraf's government falls to Al Qaeda, they become a nuclear power.  You know what we do then?  Nuke the Middle East.  I wish I was joking, as I am of middle-eastern descent.  But when those clowns become nuclear equipped clowns, we will have to turn sand land in to a sea of glass.  I mean, you want to tell me that deep down inside, you would like to see the Mid-East swallowed whole by a nuclear fireball?  Be honest.  Like it or not, nuclear powered Al Qaeda is very much a possibility.  Hopefully, if the Super Bowl is in Baltimore, they will have the good taste to nuke it like they did in that movie.

Somebody from John Edwards' campaign called me and tried to solicit my support for the good senator from North Carolina.  After I asked them to predict my future a number of times, I was disappointed to find out that it wasn't the so-called psychic from "Crossing Over with John Edward."  I told the nice young lady who called me that while I thought John Edwards seemed like a sharp guy, I don't vote for class-action cowards.

I unearthed an old picture of my grandfather, a former ADA in New York who worked for Thomas Dewey, and a young Rudy Giuliani, who looks much better now without hair than he did when he had hair.  This was pre-Giuliani marrying his cousin but not knowing it until after they, you know, did it.

Back to sports, them Bears got trounced by them C-boys.  Honestly, I don't know if pulling Sexy Rexy is the answer for the Bears.  After all the bull we had to endure about the so-called great D of the Bears last year, they took on an actual offense and got slaughtered.  I'm sorry, but an elite defense does not give up 329 passing yards, 2 passing touchdowns, 131 rushing yards (102 and a touchdown coming from Marion Barber) and still call themselves "elite."  The Bears have, since they became a "powerhouse" in the new millennium, relied on the fact that their division is terrible and their defense could dominate the schedules they played.  Now, Grossman isn't even inconsistent, he's just bad, and the defense is experiencing the same thing the entire Saints team is: what happens when you play a legit schedule.  Now, the division is not so terrible again.  Detroit and Green Bay just may crush Chi-Town.  Everybody is clamoring for Rex's departure?  How about firing the idiot coach who dumped Thomas Jones for Cedric Benson.  Start with that as$-clown, then work your way down.

Apparently baseball season is almost over.  Thank god.  Now my sports stations and websites won't be wasting precious time that could be spent on football telling me how awesome some guy named Peavy is.

The New England Patriots continue to look unbeatable.  As I have both Tom Brady and Randy Moss on my fantasy team, I am tearing it up in fantasy football mainly do to the two of them scoring sixty points together almost every week.  The Bills look like cr*p.

Oh yeah, hey Bills fans, remember when you all jumped on me about how great your team was going to be this year, how awesome Lynch and Poz are going to be, how Poz's knee injuries are no big deal, how McGahee is no good, how Fletcher was no good, how Spikes was no good, and Derrick Dockery was basically the second coming of Jesus on the offensive line?

Wow, great predictions!  Basically what I learned this summer is anybody who leaves the Bills to play somewhere else is a terrible player, or was good but is now washed up.  This cannot be truer of Fletcher, who every Bills fan claimed was washed up after he led Buffalo in tackles and interceptions last year.  Now he is doing the same thing in Washington.  Poz has racked up 26 tackles, 17 of them solo, but too bad the Bills D cannot stop anybody.  Also Fletcher has 28 tackles, 21 solo, and a pick.  Seems real washed up to me.  Great call, there, guys.

And specifically, mr. nybillsfan24, is our side bet still on?  The one where you said to me, on 5/30/07,

"People speak of willis like he was great!!!!!!He was 21st overall last year and his numbers have gotten worse year by year. Lynch is a much more versatile back than willis they are even going 5 receiver sets in OTAs with lynch in the slot. The bills have gotten younger yes but they got rid of aging veterans that obviously didn't make a difference anyway. They signed 2 monster offensive lineman and with Dockery and peters on the left side they will open monster holes for lynch.....I am willing to come on here and personally make a side bet that marshawn lynch finishes this year with more yards and tds than willis."

On the year so far comparison:

Marshawn Lynch: 57 carries, 228 yards, 4.0 avg., 2 touchdowns.

Willis McGahee: 66 caries, 272 yards, 4.1 avg., 0 touchdowns.

Hey so far, you're right Lynch has more touchdowns.  You still wanna bet on this?  I guarantee Willis has more yards than Lynch at the end of the year.  McGahee's team wins, also.  He had a better day yesterday than Lynch did, as well.  McGahee had 98 yards on 21 carries as opposed to Lynch who only had 74 yards on 20 carries.  The only reason Lynch will have more touchdowns is because running the ball inside the red zone is all the Bills can do right now.  Oh year, and your team is 0-3.  Way to improve with those monster linemen and great draft choices.

And lastly, some severely color blind individual stole Michigan's helmets and the Bill's jerseys, dyed them sky blue and bright, nuclear yellow, and made the Eagles wear them and claim that they're "throwbacks."  More like...throw-ups!  There's my one pun of the day.  Everybody gets one.

Until next time, it's been grand!