Attention: This is not a real news story! I took the AP story about Grossman being benched and added some weird humor. I hope this makes you laugh about something Bears fans should being crying about.
CHICAGO -- Rex Grossman reportedly will be benched by the Chicago Bears for Sunday's game at Detroit, with Brian Griese starting at quarterback.
Citing unidentified sources, Sneaky Pete reported Tuesday that the beleaguered Grossman would receive a mega-ultra-uber-wedgie from Bob Babich after his turnovers have indirectly led to numerous injuries on the Bears defense. There is also talk of running Grossman through the spanking machine.
The Bears would not confirm that any decision has been made, saying only that coach Lovie Smith would be available for his regular Wednesday news conference after spending most of the day genuflecting in front of the Altar of the Great and All-Powerful Jerry Angelo and praying for empowerment to run his team as he sees fit.
Grossman threw three interceptions as the Bears fell to the Dallas Cowboys 34-10 on national TV on Sunday night. The following day, Smith, who usually gives Grossman full support, instead said: "Will Rex Grossman start Sunday? Well, that depends on what our Great and All-Powerful GM decides. After all, who is more qualified to evaluate our players, the coaches who watch them practice all day, or the guy who sits in his air-conditioned office and scratches his **** all day? Duh."
Grossman has struggled ever since February's Super Bowl, when he threw two interceptions, one of which was returned for a touchdown. This year, he ranks 23rd in the league with 500 yards, has a 45.2 rating and is 47-of-89 (52.8 percent) with six interceptions and just one touchdown. He also leads the league with no fewer than five different images showing him with a pained expression on his face in the news media.
Now in his fifth pro season, Grossman has been inconsistent as Chicago's starter, but he did get the team to the Super Bowl last season. Last year he received his chauffeur's license and he drove the team bus from the Miami Airport to the hotel. Grossman was quoted as saying, "The way I've been playing, I just figured I should have something to fall back on."
Griese, a 10-year veteran, was a Pro Bowl pick with Denver in 2000. He has passed for 16,564 yards, but has also been released three times -- by the Broncos, Miami and Tampa Bay. Greise, who has a reputation for not being liked by teammates, has been known to break wind in the huddle during football games."That's definitely a concern," Smith said Monday. "Brian is a part of that. After you rip one like that, we all feel bad. We should."