Pablog, Illustrated

 The Magic Hour.
The wall behind my desk at work. Magic looks on...from the corner of his eye.

Dearest Blogosphere:

It feels good to be back.

Some of you might remember Pablog from its past life. Others of you arrived here looking to renew your annual subscription to Sports Illustrated, but are very bad at navigating the Internet. Another one of you is my mom. Welcome, all. If you have no idea who I am, everything will be explained shortly.

In college, I decided to inaugurate the original Pablog with a quote from "The Shawshank Redemption," replacing every instance of the word "hope" with the word "blog."

This time, I hope that a brief Q&A will be more insightful.

What is Pablog?
Pablog is the alter-ego of entertainer Erik von Markovik. He is the world's foremost expert in the art and science of social dynamics. His exploits have been covered by publications such as Elle, The Montreal Gazette, Las Vegas Life, Saturday Night, Marie Claire, and The New York Times. He first shot to fame in 2005, after a best-selling exposé by journalist Neil Strauss, "The Game," brought readers inside his life within the Los Angeles seduction scene.

That is just a composite of quotes about Mystery, the star of the VH1 show "The Pick-Up Artist."
Gotcha! Pablog is a blog.

Wait, I'm not done yet. My name is Pablo Torre, and I'm a reporter at Sports Illustrated. I graduated in June of 2007. I live in New York. More intriguingly, I was once called "not only a witty god-prince of the college blogosphere, but a benevolent one as well," by another, weirder blog. (This line sadly does not fit on my résumé.)

Why should I ever come back here?
If my sense of humor has already appalled you, I will also be providing occasional YouTube videos.

Can you compose an ode to the MLB postseason in the style of T.S. Eliot?

This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang, but a Glavine.

So if you actually were The Pick-Up Artist or The Pick-Up Artist's lackey, what would your nickname be?
I'm leaning towards "Megatron."

Anything else you want to get out there?
Yes. Pablog has no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, Pablog doesn't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. Pablog would like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. Pablog tells you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in the blogosphere felt free.

I can't believe you got a job.

That's what she said?

Mom, I'm really sorry.


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