I am bored. Causing chaos and raising mayhem can only get a creature so far these days. No more! I have decided to use my vastly superior intelligence and cunning wit to converse with you silly mortals over the pointless yet decidely engaging activity you call "sports".
I remember a time where disemboweling your enemy and spiking his bloody, severed head on a dirty, wooden stake was cosidered good sport but the whole world has gone so politically correct now. So what is arousing the dark thoughts of my mind out of their putrid cacoon today? Well none other than the NFL's poster child, quarterback Brett Favre.
That silver haired, wily old fox is at it again. Causing havoc to unsuspecting teams and leading his green and yellow attired troops to a 4-0 start. Analysts across the nation have united in singing his praises. The old man is having fun again they say. He looks like the Favre of old they say. Well I say ENOUGH!
Don't you all see what is really going on. Far be it for the Lord of Lies to start an unfounded rumor, but a 38 year old athlete perfoming like a 28 year old pro bowler smacks of HGH. You got it. Brett Favre is an HGH'er. Trust me, the Dark Lord can see into the dark pits of every mans heart and knows the truth. Brett Favre, he of the unquestioned praise is as guilty as my apostle, Barry Bonds, Albeit without the humongous head.
This statement I have just made sounds ridiculous at first glance but do you fools really believe the NFL is clean when it comes to illegal perfomance enhancing drugs? You would be the most naive fool in the world if you truly thought so. And I would have oceanside property in Arizona to sell you. Who would have thought the MLB's poster child, home run hero Mark Mcguire would be a pill popping, hypodermic needled injection 'Roid head.
Favre has been cursed with unholy competitiveness. What exactly would he do to leave the NFL a winner, on top of the sports world? The last athlete to achieve this great a statistical turn around was the highly suspicious Bonds. Bonds also was driven by an unnatural competitiveness. Bonds was aging and his stats were flattening out. Suddenly he realizes that he must do something, anything, to remain on top. Now tell me, what makes Favre any different.Well I have said enough for now. The ghouls incessant cry for brains reminds me of my more, grisly duties. Join me next time as I speak on all things sports... if you dare.