Pablog, Illustrated

Yes, Trent Green, it's safe to say that "s*** just got real."

Let's face it: When Texans defensive tackle Travis Johnson stood over fallen Dolphins quarterback Trent Green, taking time to berate Green's unmoving skeleton, he was speaking on behalf of every person who ever drafted Trent Green in fantasy football.

What's even more unsettling, however, is that Pablog didn't do much better--in any of his three leagues--by starting quarterbacks who were actually conscious.

Back in the day (read: 2002), Pablog used to leave quarterback for the later rounds of fantasy drafts. In leagues of 10 or 12 people, it was quite possible to wait while the hyped guys all got off the board (Peyton Manning, et al) while potentially picking up '03, '04, or '05 Tom Brady in the middle rounds. The drop-off wasn't really meaningful, and you could keep plucking running backs and wideouts in the meantime. Sometimes, if 9 of 10 teams had chosen their QB and your guy was still left, you could sit pretty and just wait, wait, wait, cackling all the while.

These days, of course (read: 2007), there is less cackling. Brady is not only a biological father, but one of those hyped guys himself. By most league scoring standards, in fact, Brady has been the best signal-caller this season, followed by Tony Romo, Manning, Brett Favre, Carson Palmer, and--thanks to that singular 51-45 bloodbath against the Bengals--Derek Anderson. Jon "The Missionary" Kitna is also involved.

In other words, Pablog's strategy has failed for five weeks. Patience at the quarterback position has resulted in featuring Vince Young, Jay Cutler, and Jay Cutler again on three different taems. [For future reference, Pablog belongs to a money/keeper league with his friends from high school (team name: "Robin Oden & Family"); a Yahoo! Plus league with other guys who wrote for his college paper ("Marshawn Lynch Mob"); and a "fun" league with fellow residents of his old college dorm ("Lars Petersons"). Maybe Pablog will explain all three names at some point.]

Indeed, Vince Young--while excellent at starring in highlight videos--has been as almost as awful as his initially reported Wonderlic score (6 out of 50, if you were wondering). Young has 583 yards passing, a 3-5 TD-INT ratio, and just 123 yards and one touchdown on the ground. Cutler, meanwhile--since flinging it for 304 yards in Week 1--has hung up efforts of 269, 222, 131, and 232 yards since, with three scores and 5 picks. Thanks, guys!!!!!

And let's not even mention the time Pablog started Joey Harrington (read: this weekend, thanks to the Titans bye week).

So here's your Fantasy Insight of the Week. Remember that line in "The Princess Bride," where that bald midgety fellow says, "Never trust a Sicilian when death is on the line"? Well, Never draft a guy who is ever suspected of scoring in single digits on an IQ test, a white rookie quarterback, or Joey Harrington. In fantasy football. Ever.


1. Pablog has always encouraged fans sitting in the front rows of their home parks to absolutely karate-chop/open an umbrella over/flash opposing players who reach into the stands to catch long as they're venturing into foul territory, of course. Well, 17-year-old Danny Vinik did this in Game 2 of the ALDS, angering Angels catcher Jeff Mathis and emerging a Fenway folk hero. (It's always nice to see good things happen to the hardscrabble sons of hedge fund managers.)

2. Speaking of famous fans, here's a nice NYT article from way back when on Jeff (née Jeffrey) Maier. Maier apparently went on to become the career hits leader at Division III Wesleyan, batting .403 as a senior and inviting speculation that the Orioles, ironically, might draft him. They didn't. Joke's on you, Maier!

3. While commiserating with erstwhile stand-in Crimson blogger, Lawblog, last night, Pablog began thinking about home run calls and, relatedly, when SportsCenter used to be good (after Johnny Damon's homer, Lawblog had gchatted "JUMANJI!"). Well, Pablog is partial to Kenny Mayne and this.

4. Pablog stole this from one of the many e-mail lists that he's on, but it's worth discussing because this is his blog and you have no say in what goes on here. Anyway, he has now laid eyes upon the new look of that venerable Massachusetts institution, The Kong. What the hell happened?! Pablog sheds a single, crab rangoon-flavored tear. (Incidentally, if anyone knows where to buy said rangoon in New York City, please inform him.)


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