I, the Dark Lord, would like to welcome you foolish mortals to my new weekly column. This column will be dedicated to calling out all your so called "great" athletes and champions of the sports world. And who better to start out with than the most over-rated quarterback in NFL history, Brett Favre.
Brett Favre, that arrogant fool, is at it again. Making clueless announcers fawn over his every move and causing fans to sing his praises. Well I am here to put a stop to it! Listed below, in no particular order, are some of the biggest reasons the Dark Lord hates Brett Favre.
His last name does not make any sense. How in the nether world does the "R" get pronounced before the "V". It should be spelled Farve not Favre. It does not make any sense! Brett should be stricken from this world just for having a terrible last name. And I thought my name was weird.
His perpetually stubble covered face. Brett Favre never shaves. The Dark Lord gets the hint Brett, you are a grizzled NFL quarterback. Whatever and lets pretend that your mansion doesn't have a dainty toilet that rinses your tender bottom clean after you use the restroom.
- The Dark Lord hates Favre for supporting the "gunslinger" mentality. If "gunslinger" means running around like a decapitated chicken and heaving idiotic, desperation passes then I guess he qualifies as a gunslinger.
The fact that Brett Favre can do now wrong. No matter what the situation, like throwing an interception to a double covered wide receiver, Favre is never criticized by commentators. "He's just having fun out there" is the most common excuse for his fool hardy mistakes. The endless praise from announcers and analysts borders on the insane. If John Madden says the difference between last year and this year is the fact that Favre is "having fun again" one more time I am going to drag him into the abyss by his greasy, silver hair myself!
The fact that Favre is using performance enhancing drugs. Don't be fools. When was the last time an old washed up athlete "magically" turned it around and began having career years again. Does the name Barry Bonds ring a bell? You mortals are all fools if you believe the NFL is steroids or HGH free. The fact of the matter is Brett Favre would do anything to leave the NFL on top. Nothing matters more to Favre than winning which is the main reason I believe Brett would use performance enhancing drugs.
For holding his team and fans hostage all summer long concerning his retirement. Will he or won't he retire? That was one of the most over blown stories of the year. Who cares! If the Packers organization had any cajones then they would have sent Favre packing (pun intended) a long time ago! Instead they cling to the foolish belief that their "super man" will save them. Its not going to happen, they couldn't even beat a decimated Bears team. Which leads me to my final reason.
For giving the putrid Packers fan hope. All of Packer Nation has rejoiced because of Bretts chemically enhanced play and 4-0 start but they were all crashed back into reality last night! The Packers are a bad team that plays in a bad division and they will go nowhere this year. Favre needs to share his HGH needle with his teammates because it looks like they desperately need it!
Well my loyal followers that is all for now. Believe me I could go on and on for eternity but alas, the call of duty screams for me yet again. Join me next week as I continue my weekly column with the reasons why the Dark Lord hates the New England Patriots.